Hello! Welcome to the Quivering Daughters website. Please note that this site is no longer being updated with new material but I hope you find the archives helpful. God bless you.

Commandments of Men | New Blog

I 'd like to introduce a new blog by a young man with a unique perspective on the patriocentric, authoritarian family. He writes:
"In my dealings with a group of hyper-fundamentalists, I've seen how a father raised his children (particularly his daughters) in such a way as to create dependency on his "authority". For instance, if you want to control a daughter's choice of men through a process such as courtship, there's no better way to accomplish this than to raise her to be insecure, indecisive, afraid of her own shadow emotionally and convinced of the wickedness of her heart, and indoctrinating her to believe that any means other than courtship can't be blessed of God. Make her need you. Create the demand, then demand to meet the demand. And it's all based on the notion of "protection". If you fail to comply, life becomes very hard very fast. People can debate intent, but many of the men fervently carrying out their patriarchal practices won't stop short of killing the spirit of a son or daughter (daughters particularly) to maintain their control. My ex-fiancee's father was trying to "protect" her from people and things which pose a threat to him. Her well-being had little to do with it."
For more, please view Commandments of Men.

14 comments:

  1. We are in the middle of this exact same picture right, now with our son seeking to be in a relationship with a girl in this type father-daughter scenario. The father creates a negative atmosphere of confusion for the daughter, who wants to obey and fears disobeying, but also has the conflicting desire for the relationship. Then the father points out how confused she is, how indecisive she is, how immature she is, how depressed she is, how she is not stable enough emotionally, etc....all are true descriptions of the daughter; he connects this to her being in a relationship outside of the father's authority, but the truth is that he has created this constant state of devastation, to further control her actions. He withholds love and is joined by the wife in a painful process of rejection until the daughter comes "back under." The question for us has been, how does the guy and his family, who see the big picture, handle this situation? It has been a painful process - do we all walk away and leave her to this way of life that snuffs out who she really is? Do we encourage her to defy her parents and do what she believes God is leading her to do? The rejections spills over to the guy, his family, and all who encourage the daughter in her walk with the Lord. We all become the enemies to her parents.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for the link, Hillary!

    Patriarchal religion is a wicked perversion of the gospel of Jesus Christ. May it perish from the earth.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous...You're describing a crossroads that I know too well. I hurt for your son and your family, as well as the young lady and her family. I don't have all the answers by any means, but I'm going to attempt to address this issue from my own experience within the next couple of days, and with yours and Hillary's permission, I'd like to use your comment in doing so.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Please do...and I'm sure Anon will respond on their own, but I think it might be somewhat of a relief for them...

    ReplyDelete
  5. I just wanted to be sure that Anon saw this excellent, excellent post by Lewis....

    http://thecommandmentsofmen.blogspot.com/2010/06/between-rock-and-heart-place.html

    ReplyDelete
  6. Without trying to be antagonistic, I am curious why so many have continued in the christian religion after their experiences with it. I was raised as a strong Protestant, and had spent years studying the Bible and Christian theology, but subsequent to my experiences with a man who controlled his daughter/family to the point of ruining a relationship, I realized that trying to pick and choose which parts of Christianity gave birth to it was impossible. So, I am interested why so many here are moving forward with that intent.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Powerful stuff and very informative from another perspective.

    ReplyDelete
  8. dixieboy...For me, the problems I've encountered have been with aspects of the Christian religion that have nothing to do with Christ Himself. I don't consider myself a religious person (or at least I hope I'm not).

    I don't hold Christ accountable for people being people - even when they're pointing a finger at Him claiming He made them do it.

    My effort in writing is to point people away from the human fingerprints of religion (where all of the abuse is found) and toward Christ alone.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ah, okay. Thats cool, I appreciate the response.

    ReplyDelete
  10. dixieboy,

    I know that my personal experience with God (my calling out, his answers) are so vivid and powerful in my life that I will always follow Jesus.

    However, I accept that this is considered heretical and liberal and not good enough for fundamentalism. In fact, supposedly "good" Christians base nothing on personal experience, but rely on doctrinal interpretations of the Bible that they feel are THE truth.

    I say it's got to be real for me, in my experience, or it's just high-minded theory.

    Obviously, we disagree.

    I have run into ex-fundamentalists (now atheist) who still so strongly believe that their former interpretations of scripture was THE ONLY CORRECT interpretation, that they tell me I am not a real Christian!

    Lolz. Jesus is making it work for me. For those who say "impossible!" I say "Just watch".

    ReplyDelete
  11. DixieBoy,

    well I come from a Totally different angle on this, because my experience was rather mixed, both religious, political and academic. So for me, the problem was not just people or 'doctrines' but the Bible itself because for years I was hard core into Marxist-Leninism AFTER having seen/been abused by Masonry, Catholicism, Protestantism/cults, seen Islam intimately for year, southernism/racism/extreme fundie right wing nationalism, around ex-cons and gangs, so like a tumble-weed I had delved into them all, intimately, much of this from intimate relationships Due to the abuse in childhood so I saw over the years the bunk, ok or what I call the tick tock orange,

    but it would be in my loyalty in extreme in revolutionary Politics, while in socialism/communism that my eyes would Really be opened, so like when I came back to the Bible, when God wooed me back, it was not this easy jump into belief, one I thought the majority of WESTERN [emphasis on western] cultural Christianity to be hogwash/or so apostate, materialist and poisoned by, and so I would question Everything,

    I spent more time arguing or wrestling with God over His word and doctrine, and then I got to the point where I even doubted Jesus was real, Marx made more and more sense. But I stayed in the Word, kept praying,

    and I started to see more and more just how much doctrines taught are really from the pits of hell. And they aren't recent, they go back all the way to prior to reformation, they KEY though is the love of gold/materialism, the quest for, what today is known as 'consumption'.

    And for me, it was digging into Old Testament, not just New that I would see this more and more...and my Honest Opinion, is this:

    as long as doctrine or even Bible is read with a Western materialist lens, it will be misconstrued. Simply because, any deviation from the materialist aspect is deemed as 'new age', and those aspects Yes are out there, don't get me wrong,

    but they've been Cleverly used to deceive so many, that and the use of psychology, oh yes, that's true as true as well. So in my opinion by a lot of study and reflection/Holy Spirit revealing to me, the horrid nature of human nature/lies, my own here, and Why I was deceived, showed me that the abuses, spiritual abuse is NOT the problem in of itself, alone that is,

    far from it. It is the Outward growth tip of the Tree, the Root, goes way, way back, and until that Root is looked at and exposed, the spiritual abuse is only going to get worse because to deal with it only is only scratching the surface, it's not even getting below the burn.

    When I saw this, then Jesus became real to me but NOT in the 'normalized way' that is what we hear, in the West. I say the West because I have not been around churches in the East but I know they are VERY different, I will close with this,

    Jesus said, the world will hate you because the world hates me. But in Pagan Rome [amorite] America, and the West, Christians are not hated, not in the way they are hated in the East, why is it, we are NOT deemed WORTHY, TO SUFFER PERSECUTION HERE IN THE WEST, like they are in other countries and no it is NOT because this is a so called Christian nation, that, is the Biggest LIE there ever was. We are the church, that Jesus said, you think you are rich, but you are miserable, wretched, naked...ask of me salve for eyes, garment for nakedness, gold tried by FIRE.

    Get into Word, for the Word, dump the doctrines, you'd be amazed, it takes time though--Jesus wasn't joking when he said, how hard it is for the rich, also James. They blind, oh they blind...and rich doesn't mean, ultra rich. The spiritual abuse/patriarchy, is just a Symptom of a much more far rotting tree.

    Jane

    ReplyDelete
  12. DixieBoy,

    I wanted to add to clarify, that while I have not lived in the East, I was intimate for years with those from the East so was exposed to the cultures as well as knowledge of through those who are from there--also years of work in human rights advocacy [on numerous issues] that were international focused, I had been to Mexico once, and one husband worked all over Middle East/Africa for 7+ years, then many of close friends were from other nations, Eastern, so like years of reading foreign lit, learning Russian language [though I'm not fluent], being around those influences esp in my years with Marxism, I saw huge differences, including in how Christianity is interpreted, such as Coptic Christianity or Russian Orthodox, etc.

    Then I married a Jew, LOL, who is from ultra Orthodox background so like a lot of exposure there that I would later bring into questioning not just doctrine but God about.

    Honestly if I hadn't of argued with God over so many things and stuck it out, I may have very well turned atheist or agnostic, I was tempted NUMEROUS times. I actually understand Why people would turn that way,

    for Me though, DixieBoy, the one thing, I could Never get away from, no matter HOW much doubt or lack of feeling I had, was my awareness that was to the point fearful, of my SIN, sins,

    and the fear of hell. Because for me, I felt hell Inside, and really that is what hell is, dying in our Sins, we wind up in that place of what WE are INSIDE of us, and that, THAT right there,

    no matter what else, I couldn't deny--so on that, I kept seeking and God showed me, in His WORD, I dug into His Word with a fine tooth comb, I argued, I questioned, I would not back down, I probably offended many because I wasn't content to accept the 'cliche' answers [and many of them are b.s. anyway],

    and I found, or Jesus let me find, HIM.

    So now I tell people, Dump the doctrines [most are polluted now a days anyway], Dump the books, ministries, and Get into the Word, Get into non-stop prayer, if you are uneasy about something Ask God and Keep Asking and don't take any answer unless it is from Him and confirmed by the Holy Spirit and in His Word,

    HE does it. And HE don't need any man to teach you, the Holy Spirit will lead you into All TRUTH. That's scriptural btw...the Problem today, is Too many, won't do that, they want answers and gratification NOW and they won't stick it through the felt darkness, we are 'soft' here, and when the persecution Does come and it will,

    I guarantee you, there will be a falling away in This nation like no other because there is NO ROOT, just a lot of cliches and co dependency on people--and a glaring lack of love in Action [talk sure, suffering love willing to suffer with those who suffer, no way]. Wait and see

    Jane

    ReplyDelete
  13. For myself, I discovered that the God of the Bible was NOT the god that our fundie church told us about. He was not the god that ATI taught us to fearfully obey. And He was not the god that my parent's pointed to to show me I was wrong. I saw a God in the gospels that was full of mercy, compassion, love, beauty and desire for a relationship with His created beings. I saw the story of redemption as a thread running throughout the whole Bile account. THe very beauty of it drew me as I had never been drawn before. I experienced God the way He'd always wanted me to, the way He created me to. This has produced a passion in me to hand freedom, mercy, love and grace to those who are still stuck in the old ways. Who are still reading the Bible and understanding God through Fundie glasses. I am not picking and choosing which parts to follow...I am finially understanding the Bible and Jesus in the way He was always meant to be understood. Jesus Himself said He came to bind up the broken-hearted and set the captives free. This is the Jesus I follow.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Looking forward to reading! :-)

    ReplyDelete

Comments are turned off.

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.