Stolen Years

John 10:10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

Life.

Abundant life.

This is often marked within the world—the religious world, even—as prosperity and blessing. Many denominations preach that abundance is indicative of our status with God, that He has found favor with our actions . . . whether they be tithing, donating to charity, homeschooling, or ensuring that our left hand knows what our right is doing. Some believe that this life means we have found peace, that we can finally "relax" and enjoy the fruits of faithfulness. Others eschew this concept, believing that asceticism is the key to true holiness.

What is abundant life?
How many of us can truly say that we are hereby deeply refreshed?

I believe that we begin with our hearts genuinely in the right place—desiring to walk obediently to He who calls us by name. This desire sets our feet in motion and launches a quest for discovering what pleases our Lord. Sadly, it is all too easy to become swept away by the shackles of religion, becoming ensnared along the way.

"The thief," John says, "Comes to steal, kill and destroy."

This destruction is not unlike that of the swarming locusts, who can descend on a lush, ripe garden and in moments, strip away every tender leaf, each verdant tendril—leaving a brown, barren plot of earth in their wake. In a short instant, all of the careful nurture is gone to naught; months of planning and careful work, obliterated; a future of darkness and hunger looming with frightening reality.

Dear one, does this epitomize your heart? Do you feel stripped of the spring of life that should throb and course within? Do you feel as though your deepest feelings, hopes, dreams, and thoughts have been strangled by the crushing weight of bondage and oppression? Has your spirit become a dry wasteland and a lifeless wilderness? Does the hot, suffocating wind of annihilation steal away the refreshing gentle breeze of the breath of God?

I was born upon this path.

Many of you have written to ask for more of my personal story. Many of the particulars are included in my book, Quivering Daughters, which is still unfolding (hence any infrequency in blog posting—I am working diligently to get it wrapped up quickly!). However, today as we celebrate the resurrection of our Saviour, I am reminded just how miraculously He brought me back from death myself—rescuing me from the way of destruction and setting my feet upon the path of life. I praise Him with every breath for His grace and mercy!

The following is a portion of a letter I wrote recently.

My personal background was drenched in Scripture. I read and memorized the Bible on my own, daily, sometimes 2 or even 3 times a day—in addition to family Bible time. I am grateful for this, because the words are drilled into my core, which helps me now.

However, as I began to desire as an adult to truly grow and heal and question and wrestle with many of the things that occurred, experiencing loads of shame and guilt—not only hearing my father's voice while I read my Bible, but hearing his voice when others prayed, or seeing my mother's disapproving face, or hearing my own conscience speak to me in her voice—I became aware that this was very unhealthy enmeshment which I was desperate to overcome.

. . . The long-story-short version is that I stopped everything. I withdrew from society, from everyone really except for my husband and one or two trusted friends and mentors. I stopped reading my Bible. I know that this sounds blasphemous. However, I have discovered that when someone uses something inherently good—like the Bible—as a tool for abuse, it becomes essential to distance one's self from this and heal.

The truth is, I didn't want to view the Bible or God as abusive like I had been conditioned to believe; I still loved God with all my heart and knew that beneath it all, the god I thought I knew was not the true God . . . so for me, I had to in a sense, undergo a spiritual "de-tox". It is not unlike a de-programming regime for those who exit cultic groups.

During this time, which lasted nearly a year (some suggest that it can last usually up to 18 months), I determined that I wanted to decide what to believe for myself, and not because I was told that it was true (due to elements of religious abuse and mind control)—and was willing to let go of everything I had ever been taught. I still clung to Jesus and His work on the cross, for I knew deep within that He is the Way, Truth, and Life. Anything besides Him I shed off of me like a fur coat on a summer day.

This quest launched a journey that has literally changed my life. This has become the backdrop of my book, but let me fast-forward to say that as God healed me from my past, the hurts and religious abuse, the emotional wounds, everything—suddenly, honestly without me even trying, the Bible came alive to me again! I could read it freely, without pressure or hearing other voices in my head. I was understanding and seeing things I had never seen before, in light of God's transforming work in me. My Scriptural foundation proved to be a huge blessing because I was able to build upon it and not start from scratch. My biggest "rule" for myself was not to read it because I felt like I "had to". I chose not to listen to the accusing voice of false guilt if there was a day that went by and I didn't read it.

Slowly, a true relationship with God, based on my BEING and not DOING or TRYING began to blossom and I have truly fallen in love with Him in a way that is so personal and so far from "religion" that it saddens me to see so many oppressed by religious doings.

This journey also showed me God's nature—yes He is a jealous God, and judgment belongs to Him. However, for me, the key is balance. So many from fundamentalist backgrounds show a very imbalanced view of God. I had to re-learn everything; knowing His love was the hardest for me because as one of 11 children I could not understand how I could be loved in any special way that wasn't the same as everyone else. "God loves everyone" I would say and shrug like, so what?

If I were to suggest anything, I would recommend that you start simply with Jesus. He says, "No one comes to the Father except through Me." Start with Him—and He is the one who says, "Nor does anyone know the Father except the Son, and the one to whom the Son wills to reveal Him. Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." Matthew 11

If the god you serve does not fit this description—offering rest, who is gentle and humble, whose burdens are light—you are serving a false god who leads unto destruction. The enemy has come to kill, steal, and destroy—and how often does that truly describe how we feel? Is this life, that we truly live? "I have come that they may have life," Jesus said, "And that, more abundantly!"

It requires faith, certainly. But start with the Son of God, and let Him lead you to the Father.

This is what it means to have life, abundant—to live freely, knowing that God has accepted you and loves you as His child, created in His image, aside from the law and aside from the religious efforts that we put forth! Can you imagine life like this? To truly know what it is to be loved and accepted for who you are, not what you do? To be loved based on who you are, and not how well you perform? Or how "holy" you appear? To be wanted and desired, regardless of your mistakes and imperfections which torment you daily? To be able to lay aside every weight that hinders, to run with endurance knowing that your faith, even if it is a small as a tiny seed, pleases God?

Matthew 27:54 So when the centurion and those with him, who were guarding Jesus, saw the earthquake and the things that had happened, they feared greatly, saying, “Truly this was the Son of God!”

I am humbled and in awe of the mercy, grace, and faithfulness of God who has brought me forth from the way of destruction and set my feet upon the path of life. It is here that I fall to my knees and say truly, this man is the Son of God!

Joel 2:25
“ So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, The crawling locust, The consuming locust, And the chewing locust, My great army which I sent among you.

It is here, in this place, that He has conquered death and restored the stolen years.

Our Lord has risen! Glory to His Name!

Holiness?

Note: This is a companion post to Heart Keepers.

And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content. 1Tim 6:8

We were born with basic needs. To survive, our bodies need food and water. We need clothing and shelter. Asceticism and austerity are often preached as holy living; extreme self-denial manifested among many aspects of legalism and man-made tradition.

^{1 Cor. 3:18} Let no one deceive himself. If anyone among you seems to be wise in this age, let him become a fool that he may become wise. ¹⁹ For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God.

^{Colossians 2:20} Therefore, if you died with Christ from the basic principles of the world, why, as though living in the world, do you subject yourselves to regulations— ²¹ “Do not touch, do not taste, do not handle,” ²² which all concern things which perish with the using—according to the commandments and doctrines of men? ²³ These things indeed have an appearance of wisdom in self-imposed religion, false humility, and neglect of the body, but are of no value against the indulgence of the flesh.

Food, clothing, shelter . . . and coffee?

Many of us wither under guilt for daring to consider anything other than these very basic necessities as true needs. I want to know: when did holiness come to partially be defined as basic survival? To see how little we can get away with, and still exist? Why is it considered not as holy to thrive and to flourish?

Here is a common passage of Scripture used to justify these things:

^{Matthew 16:24} Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. ²⁵ For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. ²⁶ For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?

Others believe that to acquire more than the elemental needs in life leads to materialism and focus on unrighteous pursuits. Did you often hear the phrase, "Do without!" during your life? It can become almost a challenge for some, to see how little they can get by upon. Some, like the Amish, forgo electricity and other modern "conveniences." Others argue, we don't NEED electricity to survive; we don't NEED telephones, or running water, or new shoes. Some go so far as to imply that if we want something, it is automatically material for self-sacrifice and therefore our wants reflect innate carnality.

This mentality is not limited to physical manifestation. These very ideals are blanketed across the entire personhood of those born into such environments--in this case, the daughters of emotionally abusive parents.

Steve Hein, a humanist who works with suicidal teens and founder of Eqi.org, has created a list of what he considers basic human emotional needs. Prayerfully consider some of what he has to say. Whether or not you agree with his philosophies, this is something that I believe the Church needs to address.

Here are some of the basic human emotional needs expressed as feelings. While all humans share these needs, each differs in the strength of the need, just as some of us need more water, more food or more sleep. One person may need more freedom and independence, another may need more security and social connections. One may have a greater curiosity and a greater need for understanding, while another is content to accept whatever is told to him.

In various degrees, each according to his or her own unique nature, we each have a natural emotional need to feel:
accepted
acknowledged
admired
appreciated
approved of
believed in
capable
challenged
clear (not confused)
competent
confident
forgiven
forgiving
free
fulfilled
heard
helped
helpful
important
in control
included
listened to
loved
needed
noticed
powerful
private
productive / useful
reassured
recognized
respected
safe / secure
supported
treated fairly
trusted
understandng
understood
valued
worthy
--Steve Hein

In our righteous zeal to break away from the world, I believe that we lose sight of the balance that is important to sustain the health of our minds, hearts, souls, and bodies. Just as God's gift of sex is good, yet has become tainted by our culture, I believe that these emotions and feelings are necessary to our wholeness as women created by God, even if secular teachers have elevated them to improper heights. Do not underestimate the exigence of these things; our merciful Savior can both save and redeem what He has created and instilled within us.

Please do not make God a liar by ascetically insisting that these are not good, and not vital to life. Do not deny the blessings that these can bring upon you--as well as the discipline, for those of us emotional creatures know full well the paradoxical nature of these things.

John 10:10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

How is your emotional life?

Have you been robbed of an abundant heart?

As daughters of God, I believe that He delights when we flourish before Him and live with passion and feeling. To exult in your womanhood and to offer yourself a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable, are not mutually exclusive. Dear sister, live! For the glory of God, live!

Sanctuary

I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. John 10

Life. A simple word that pulses with complexity. While you contemplate, what comes to mind? A hundred women will give a hundred different answers; all borne from the book of days they have lived--fun, stressful, challenging, hard, i-wish-i-were-dead, boring, exciting, an adventure, depressing--yet I wonder: how many of us can truly say, abundant?

I believe that an abundant life is full. . . when every sense is alive with wonder, expectancy, and thankfulness for God's grace and mercy. We awake with purpose and live our day along an undercurrent of joy, even when tears are shed from frustration or sadness; when we fume over traffic or agonize over an aching child. For when we are full, we are free to feel. When we are full, knowing that we will not be rejected but are welcome just as we are, with no effort of our own...only then can we blossom.

With no effort of our own. . .

Women acquainted with spiritual abuse know intimately the depth and burden of always trying. Of always doing . . . perhaps hoping one day to suddenly measure up, and find approval somewhere within the lined faces of austerity that haunt us. There is always darkness there, for we are taught that it is the will of God to heed the voice that grieves us. Our best is never good enough, and yet we know that to give up is to die.

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. Matthew 11

These words of Jesus illustrate His heart for those burdened and exhausted from the law. Quite a contrast to the realities of our everyday agony; stumbling along beneath the weight of the shoulds and the oughts that we bear. These onus ones shrill with loud voices, rendering us shamed and guilty; as though pointing fingers and declaring: aha! See, you are worthless! You are stupid! You can't do anything right!

Oh, dear friend! How my heart breaks for the weary; for I know the torment of these obscenities! Let us look at some of the things that torture us so. . .

• I should read the Bible more
• I should have dinner ready by now
• I should exercise today
• I should pray harder
• I should wear dresses
• I ought to speak more kindly
• I ought to turn the other cheek
• I ought to be happy

We could, each of us, list dozens of items that remind us where we lack. If we were truly good women, wouldn't these be easy? Please understand that I am not saying these things in and of themselves are wrong to do; many of them are quite Biblical, in fact. However, many women who have been raised in an authoritarian environment consistently feel unacceptable and bear the shame of disapproval. We are subtly taught that we must perform or properly behave in order to receive love, affection, or attention; but even after our hardest efforts, we are left dry. It becomes confusing; while these seem like the daily disciplines of a godly woman, why are we left so empty and drained? Why do we not feel rested at the feet of Christ? We sink deeper into shame, feeling that this proves how weak, ungodly, and worthless we are.

Shame vs. guilt

It is very important to understand the difference between guilt and shame. Healthy guilt produces repentance, restoration, and growth. Unfortunately, many woman writhe under feelings of shame; which can drive them further from God and the healing rest He offers. These things become enmeshed within our core, until our very identities scream negative lies that become the foundation of all that we believe about ourselves. To identify the roots of your feelings, it may help to ask:

Does this make me want to run to God? Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
-OR-
Does this make me want to run away from God? I am so wicked, and God cannot look upon sin. I just need to go and die.

Guilt is the feeling of regret over a committed wrong; externalized and within proper context. I did a bad thing and I regret what I did. Shame is an emotion of perceived wrong; but it is internalized: I am bad. I always do bad things so that means I am worthless, no good, and should have never been born.

Do you see the difference?

I realize that it can be extremely difficult to overcome a lifetime of shoulds and oughts. By ourselves, it is impossible. May I whisper something to you? Jesus wants you to become free. You don't need one more doing to receive His freedom; you don't need another formula. In essence, He says, Come. Drop everything you are doing, and rest. Let me give you what you need. Let Me be your source.

What would your life be like, if you simply stopped?

It is both exhilarating, dangerous, and daring!

Consider His words an invitation to sanctuary. Let Him allure your tired and weary heart. . . for you will find rest for your souls.

A whole new life awaits.
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Going forward we will talk quite a bit about the insidious nature of shame and its crippling effects on women. A very helpful book is entitled Shame off You, by Alan D. Wright.