What is Abuse?

Abuse is a hot, yet tender, topic. Nearly everyone would agree that abuse is horrible, unjustifiable, and devastating. Invariably, within a discussion of abuse, someone will bring up the question of definitions and ask, but what is abuse? Are we just throwing the word around, willy-nilly, and making false accusations? Are we slandering others using this emotionally-charged word? Shouldn't we drop this word and perhaps use something a little less alarming?

We are conditioned to consider abuse to be that which inflicts violence in the forms of rape, battery, beating, or extreme neglect. And yes, those are examples of abuse ~ yet they are not the only examples. Here is how the United States Department of Justice defines abuse. Please read carefully.

We define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.

Physical Abuse: Hitting, slapping, shoving, grabbing, pinching, biting, hair pulling, etc are types of physical abuse. This type of abuse also includes denying a partner medical care or forcing alcohol and/or drug use upon him or her.

Sexual Abuse: Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact or behavior without consent. Sexual abuse includes, but is certainly not limited to, marital rape, attacks on sexual parts of the body, forcing sex after physical violence has occurred, or treating one in a sexually demeaning manner.

Emotional Abuse: Undermining an individual's sense of self-worth and/or self-esteem is abusive. This may include, but is not limited to constant criticism, diminishing one's abilities, name-calling, or damaging one's relationship with his or her children.

Economic Abuse: Is defined as making or attempting to make an individual financially dependent by maintaining total control over financial resources, withholding one's access to money, or forbidding one's attendance at school or employment.

Psychological Abuse: Elements of psychological abuse include  - but are not limited to - causing fear by intimidation; threatening physical harm to self, partner, children, or partner's family or friends; destruction of pets and property; and forcing isolation from family, friends, or school and/or work.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels. Domestic violence occurs in both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships and can happen to intimate partners who are married, living together, or dating.

Domestic violence not only affects those who are abused, but also has a substantial effect on family members, friends, co-workers, other witnesses, and the community at large. Children, who grow up witnessing domestic violence, are among those seriously affected by this crime. Frequent exposure to violence in the home not only predisposes children to numerous social and physical problems, but also teaches them that violence is a normal way of life - therefore, increasing their risk of becoming society's next generation of victims and abusers. Sources: National Domestic Violence Hotline, National Center for Victims of Crime, and WomensLaw.org.
Source

These descriptions illustrate the mis-use of power and control over another person's mind, heart, and body. But there is another form of abuse, a spiritual one. A popular blogger recently observed that the term spiritual abuse is becoming increasingly wide-spread. I am thankful for this! It means that awareness is growing and when one is aware, he or she is more likely to be alert and able to discern warning signs. But what is spiritual abuse? Ezekiel 34 illustrates spiritual abuse in heart-wrenching prose.

“Woe to the shepherds of Israel who feed themselves! Should not the shepherds feed the flocks? You eat the fat and clothe yourselves with the wool; you slaughter the fatlings, but you do not feed the flock. The weak you have not strengthened, nor have you healed those who were sick, nor bound up the broken, nor brought back what was driven away, nor sought what was lost; but with force and cruelty you have ruled them.”

Another definition is offered by Watchman Fellowship:

Spiritual abuse is the misuse of a position of power, leadership, or influence to further the selfish interests of someone other than the individual who needs help. Sometimes abuse arises out of a doctrinal position. At other times it occurs because of legitimate personal needs of a leader that are being met by illegitimate means. Spiritually abusive religious systems are sometimes described as legalistic, mind controlling, religiously addictive, and authoritarian.

Conclusion

It is important to reach an understanding of words and what is meant when terms are used. But while one could argue definitions all day, please remember that meanwhile, there are some desperately hurting individuals in this world who need healing.

____

Recommended reading on spiritual abuse: The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse  
Also see Elements of Spiritual Abuse, Spiritual Abuse in the Bible, Beating the Sheep.

The Bondage of Betrothal

by Eric M. Pazdziora

One of the fundamental teachings of the Biblical Patriarchy and Quiverfull movements is the doctrine of “biblical courtship,” or “betrothal.” (My brother suggested the word “casuistries” instead of “teachings,” which is perfect except that I didn’t know it before, either.) This teaching has it that since a father is the head of the family, his children are completely under his authority—even for deciding whom they marry as adults.

Under this system, adult daughters or sons who presume to consider marrying somebody their patriocentric parents don’t approve of may be labeled rebellious against God and His plan for the family. It’s a classic case of bounded choice. Even though the doctrine purports to be motivated by turning fathers’ hearts toward their children, emotional trauma often ensues all around.

This isn’t about minors—I’ve heard this from men and women in their twenties or even older, still bound by parental authoritarianism. It’s a small step from “stay-at-home daughters” to “kept-at-home daughters.”

Let’s ask one simple question: Is that really what the Bible teaches?

Who is Your God?

by Hillary McFarland

“I'm okay with Jesus.
It's God I'm not too sure about.”

or many daughters of patriarchy, God is an imposing figure. Why wouldn't He be? His name is the one attached to doctrines of men. He is the why behind many destructive religious lifestyle choices. From the earliest crusades unto today's authoritarian Christian family, some form of God's name, character, or command is mis-used and misapplied with devastating results.

     In the hands of a sinner, God is a dangerous weapon.

  

My will be done?

     Of course, we are all sinners with the capacity to use God's name in vain to serve ourselves. For the one, however, who grew up literally threatened with God, experiencing Him as a tool of manipulation and control, of behavior modification, force, and cruelty, God is a destructive force who breaks hearts, crushes life from the spirit, and leaves us without hope.

     The adage is true: actions speak louder than words.

     Despite lifelong biblical messages of God's love and salvation and grace, the imprint left on hearts by God-in-the-everyday becomes what is true. It becomes what is lived, believed, and known. It shapes our theology and our faith.

     The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. (John 10:10a)

     God becomes the enemy.

Just As You Received Christ...

by Eric M. Pazdziora

Suppose you asked someone what the Gospel is: how does a person receive salvation in Christ?

How would you respond if the answer was...

“The Gospel is the good news that we have to keep all of God’s Laws and rules, because there’s no salvation apart from trying hard to do good things. By really making an effort to live up to the Bible’s teachings and principles, we can become good enough for Jesus to save us. Salvation is the reward you get for living a godly life, being devout, and having good values and morals. You won’t be saved if you don’t do enough good things. If you’re good enough and totally committed to the Lord, you’ll be saved and make it to heaven, maybe.”

Life and Sparrows

by Hillary McFarland

“Remember, Miranda, ‘rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft.’”

—From When Sparrows Fall, by Meg Moseley

Releasing May 3rd from Multnomah.

haven't been writing as prolifically here at Quivering Daughters the past few months. Sometimes I click on my link and just stare, asking in silence,"Do You have anything for me, Lord?" And with my main topics, at least, there hasn't been much in the way of newness or inspiration. I remember when it wouldn't stop coming, flowing out, and I had dozens of sticky notes scattered across my desk with hasty phrases and references scrawled across so I wouldn't forget an idea or a point or something I believed God wanted me to share.

     Now these notes are few and far between. And as I click through my archives, I realize: I've said what I believe God has asked me to say, and I hope ~ pray ~ that He is glorified through words found here.  

     In November I shared how I want to be grace-with-skin and am desperately still learning how. In part this means continuing to pour myself out to Him and for Him as He calls. To immerse myself in community with others ~ writers and readers, online, in daily life, and wherever He leads. I love how the Lord continues to give beautiful, tender examples for me to follow through His own grace towards me!

Clean

By Eric M. Pazdziora

I have felt dirty and unworthy of a clean slate with God ever since my experience, ever since that meeting with Mrs. H---, this feeling has plagued me for years.... The struggle that has lingered from my TM days is guilt.

--Anna (on Recovering Alumni)

Everybody’s felt that.

You feel dirty.

You feel unclean.

You feel unworthy.

You feel guilty.

And all the religious people in the world decide they agree with you.

That’s the part that hurts the most, maybe.

For the Love of a Shepherd

I have loved you with an everlasting love

     therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.  

(Jeremiah 31:3b) 

hose recovering from spiritual abuse, authoritarianism and emotional manipulation often say they also need a break from God.

     Often, they do. 

    At least from the god they've known. But in a wild, heady, divine redemption, this rejection of an authoritarian god often becomes a heady step of faith ~ a move towards the One True.

With lovingkindness I have drawn you.

Reader Question: Beagles, the Bible, and Birthdays

By Eric M. Pazdziora

Ali writes:

Have you written on "birthdays?" My parents taught us the bible teaches that birthday celebrations are wrong and selfish. I remember King Herod being an example. I also was the example for my younger sisters as on my 6th birthday I acted selfish and ungrateful and I ruined having birthday celebrations for my 3 younger sisters. I don't honestly remember how I acted, but it must have been terrible to ruin "birthdays" for my 3 younger sisters.

I can understand why some religious folks get uneasy about certain popular movies or books or styles of clothing or genres of music. But birthdays? Sometimes you can push a line of thought too far and pull the whole thing down with it.

Apparently, the argument goes something like this. The Bible doesn’t have much to say about birthdays—certainly not whether we should celebrate them—and what it does say doesn’t show them in the most flattering light. Pharaoh had someone executed on his birthday. Job cursed the day that he was born. Herod threw a wild birthday party that included him ogling his stepdaughter’s exotic dance and wound up with John the Baptist getting beheaded. So, the Bible never says outright that we should celebrate birthdays, and the few times they’re mentioned at all, it connects them with sinful things. That proves birthdays are evil, right?

Wrong.

A Few Good Links

hope your New Year is off to a great start! Do you have any plans or goals for 2011? More reading, perhaps? If so, here are a few links that may be of interest...

One woman's thoughts on Motherhood After Growing up Quiverfull, Part 1 

A wealth of articles and links about spiritual abuse

Touching prose and thoughtful dialogue at A Deeper Story 

What are you reading lately? Feel free to link up or comment about your current finds.

Behind Spiritual Abuse Awareness Month: Guest Post by Lisa Bertolini

Your God reveals Himself to you, 

not just information about Himself. 

~ Steve McVey, Grace Walk Ministries

Hillary's note: I've invited Lisa Bertolini, founder of Spiritual Abuse Awareness Month, to share the personal background which inspired it and why bringing awareness to this tragic reality is important to her.

by Lisa Bertolini

t's been nearly two years since I exited fundamentalism with deep gaping wounds in my soul. I knew that God exists, and I love Jesus, so I knew I would continue to walk with our Lord but I couldn't face gathering with others in churches just yet. Fifteen years of mind control had done it's damage to my mind and heart and I needed to be unraveled from it all. My husband, myself, our children, and a few others who exited the same week we did began meeting several nights a week to sort through our emotional and spiritual distress. We covered our dining room table with Bibles, concordances, Bible dictionaries, and the Hebrew/Greek Interlinear Bible. We needed to know what we believed and why we believed it. We no longer sought to know what the institutional church believed and why they wanted us to believe it. We needed to know who God is to us personally. We had been told before that we needed our own walk with Jesus, not our parents walk and in this case not our former church's walk. We needed our own unique walkabout with Him.

We each went through days of various emotions, from anger of being spiritually abused and lied to, confusion, and long days of crying. Breaking away from a church was like going through a divorce. It was incredibly painful. Some days were better than others. Some days I felt like part of me was dying. Some church members, who we had once called 'family' would ignore us as we passed by them in the stores, and others would send hate mail and leave awful comments on my Facebook page. I was going through such a difficult time and I couldn't go back to the same church family with my pain. I had tried talking to some in leadership, but they chose to side with higher leadership and ignore my pleas for help. They sided with the leadership that was causing me so much pain. We tried the Matthew 18 approach to no avail. It could never reach the church level of accountability, the leadership would not allow it to get that far. So I felt outed. I had to put up with it or walk away. For my own sanity, I needed to walk away. My husband and children were all hurt as well. In varying ways by different people in leadership. The abuse trickled down through the hierarchy and into the people. Now that we were out...now what?

Recovering Paradise: Raising Awareness of Spiritual Abuse

by Hillary McFarland

“We're not anti-faith; we're anti-cruelty.”

So proclaims the website of a new, independent movie from By the Glass Productions. “We share a goal to give spiritual abuse survivors a voice,” they continue. This voice is epitomized through the perhaps-uncomfortably-familiar heroine created by writer and producer Andie Redwine, and found in the scenes of Paradise Recovered. A modern retelling of the Good Samaritan, this film introduces us to Esther, a denim-jumpered, hair-in-a-bun, homeschooled young woman who is sheltered and earnest until her life unravels and she begins wrestling with the world, the church, and herself.

 

     Like Jesus, Redwine knows the power of story. A few months ago I spoke with Andie while she stood at a bus stop across from a field of horses in Southern Indiana, where the movie was partially filmed. “I'm waiting for the kids,” she says. “I do miss homeschooling. But this is good for us.” She's a work-at-home, adoptive mom of 4 who serves up unlikely movie fare from her kitchen table. “We are all involved,” she emphasizes. “Without my kids, my husband, and amazing cast and crew...I couldn't have done it.”

Spiritual Abuse and Christmas Trees

By Eric M. Pazdziora

I think I finally figured out what Christmas trees are really about.

A while ago I found a blog article on the subject of our friend Mr. Tannenbaum. Apparently (the author observed) some folks believe that Christmas trees are pagan symbols that the church has adopted in sinful syncretism. They appeal to Scriptures such as Jeremiah 10 to support the idea: the passage describes trees being chopped down, decorated with precious metals, and worshiped by pagans (“A-ha!” chorus the neo-Scrooges).

Knowing a bit about interpreting Scripture in context, I smelled an opportunity to cry “Humbug!” True, Jeremiah describes pagans chopping down trees for idolatrous worship. But it also mentions the trees being “shaped by chisels” into images of false gods like these. Those don’t look much like Christmas trees to me. Anyone for some eisegesis?

The underlying logic is even more significant. Follow it through: Idolaters once used decorative trees to worship false gods. Therefore, anyone else who uses a tree for decoration ever again must only be pagan.

Bah. Humbug.

Antidotes to Spiritual Abuse

By Eric M. Pazdziora. Originally published September 26, 2009; revised and expanded.

Guilt, shame, and condemnation. Unspoken rules you have to live up to. Authoritarian leaders you can’t ever question. An exclusive “us-vs.-them” mentality. Subtle or not-so-subtle pressure to fit in. Barely veiled manipulation and peer pressure tactics. Fear of doing the wrong thing. Public rebuking if you do. Warnings against what will happen if you ever leave.

Does this sound like religion to you? It shouldn’t—and in healthy churches it doesn’t—but if it does, you’re not alone. There’s even a name for it: it’s called “Spiritual Abuse.” It’s well documented throughout religious groups of every persuasion, regardless of creed or doctrine. Yes, even in groups that have “sound biblical doctrine.”

The term “spiritual abuse” isn’t the main issue; the thing the phrase identifies was around thousands of years before “spiritual abuse” was coined. (See Sheep Story from Ezekiel 34.) I find the word “abuse” helpful because it combines the idea of misuse (as in “drug abuse”) with the idea of cruelty (as in “verbal abuse”). Using spirituality to beat people down is an abuse in both senses. If you aren’t happy with the term, call it something else—“cruelty in the name of religion,” maybe—and move along. The thing is real enough whatever you call it.

The main issue is this. Even without the spiritual component, being treated in such a heavy-handed way can cause long-term emotional and mental problems. But having it done to you in the name of church—religion—ministry—God—Jesus—makes it even worse. You don’t just come away feeling hurt, condemned, and worthless; you come away with the idea that God wants you to feel like that.

That’s the wrong idea.

Jesus isn’t like that.

Spiritual Abuse and the Gospel

by Hillary McFarland

What is good news?

Good news brings joy.

Good news brings relief.

Good news gives us something to anticipate, to talk about and plan for. It gives us hope. If you are in jail and receive word that you are to be released, that is good news! If you are hungry and someone announces, "Dinner is served," that is good news! Good news addresses the heart of your need. It is the answer your soul craves...even, sometimes, when you don't know you crave it. 

Good news transforms you.

The word gospel means good news. Glad tidings. Good message. This is what Jesus came to preach to the poor. He came to preach a good message to those in need of a good message! (Isaiah 61:1-2, Luke 4:19-19) He came to meet needs, to proclaim salvation! And He came in grace and truth.

Recently I talked about the good news of grace. While reflecting on life, the gospel, my purpose to not take sides but to be at Jesus' side as He ministers to those He gives me in need of glad tidings, grace, healing, and liberty, I came across the following passage which reveals so clearly to me the heart of issues that arise through speaking and writing about spiritual abuse, authoritarianism, and patriocentricity. I cannot emphasize the following words enough:

I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting him who called you in the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel—not that there is another one, but there are some who trouble you and want to distort the gospel of Christ. But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach to you a gospel [good news!] contrary to the one we preached to you, let him be accursed. As we have said before, so now I say again: If anyone is preaching to you a gospel contrary to the one you received, let him be accursed. For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Gal.1:6-10, ESV) (emphasis added)

In Christ is simplicity. Do not be deceived by those who would distort the gospel! 

I shared this on Facebook last night but it is an important reminder for all those who are passionate against spiritual abuse:

One feature of spiritual abuse is the often-unintentional quenching of the Spirit in the lives of those within one's care. Author Frank Viola (Pagan Christianity, The Jesus Manifesto) has compiled a list of what the Holy Spirit does in our lives. This shows why quenching the Spirit, and ultimately, spiritual abuse, are such grave matters. See 50 Things the Holy Spirit Does.

What is Authoritarian Parenting?

by Hillary McFarland

ometimes when trying to understand a difficult or complex idea, it helps to see a contrast.  I've stated before that I believe authoritarianism is evil and completely contradicts Jesus' ministry, His teachings, and His life. For a woman raised within an authoritarian environment, especially one of a religious nature, it's natural that she will have many issues to overcome before she walks in spiritual freedom and emotional wellness. This is where my heart is and what God has given me to do: to address the fruits of an authoritarian upbringing within the conservative Christian family and help women understand God's love and grace. This is important to Him because He became flesh to bring healing to the broken, liberty to the captive, sight to the blind. He came to bring the dead to life!

     However, I certainly don't suggest that authority within its proper context is bad. A friend of mine puts it simply: You have authority over what you are responsible for. Parents are responsible for their children's health, well-being, education, spiritual growth, and other needs. Christian parents know they are to love, nurture, and train their children in the Lord. There are many Scriptures that admonish believers to esteem all others better than themselves, to submit to one another, to do everything as unto the Lord Himself ~ and wise parents will seek to follow these exhortations even within parenting.

     But somehow authority often becomes “You must obey me!” rather than “How can I care for you? How can I serve you as unto the Lord?” While Paul preaches, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord” he doesn't tell parents to make them obey. I find this very interesting. Additionally, many conservative parents treat their adult offspring as perpetual children by not appropriately relinquishing responsibility. This impedes maturity and growth; as authoritarianism slips its shackles into a family, a whole host of problems arise.

     In my book I place authoritarian parenting right alongside authoritative parenting in the following chart because it helps us to understand the differences, as subtle as they sometimes are. Let me repeat that while I am not a parent nor do I presume to be a parenting expert, it's important for all of us to understand familial authoritarianism because not only is it ungodly, it creates an environment that grows all kinds of rotten fruit. By knowing how to look for bad roots, we can begin to dig them out and pray for our heavenly Father to plant us, heal us, and grow in us His fruit.

Authoritative Parents / Parenting	Authoritarian Parents / Parenting
Responds to the child; sensitive to her needs; through example shows her the heart of God; “person over doctrine”	Reacts to the child; emphasis on requirements of the parent, lifestyle or conviction; “doctrine over person”
Communicates reasonable expectations, is humble and helps the child obey; more concerned with truth than “being right”; respects the child’s thoughts and her feelings; demonstrates unconditional love; quick to forgive	Is highly demanding and proud; more concerned with being “right” than truth; invalidates and disrespects the child’s thoughts and feelings; withholds love, approval,  and acceptance; quick to condemn and shame
Encourages responsible decision-making while still at home; appropriately loosens the reins throughout maturity; views mistakes as necessary for learning and opportunities to teach grace	Exerts extreme levels of control—physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional—over all aspects of life into adulthood; emotionally abandons or wounds the child; treats mistakes as proof of innate badness
Discipline is nurturing, with an ultimate goal of directing the child to the Lord and the influence of the Holy Spirit	Discipline is intimidating and power-motivated, reminding the child that the parent is “the boss”
Points to Christ; steps out of the way of the Holy Spirit; shows that faith trusts in God	Points to the father; stands in the way of the Holy Spirit; shows that faith trusts in “methods” (works)
Teaches healthy, age-appropriate physical and emotional boundaries; is “safe”	Highly enmeshed; physically, spiritually, emotionally and psychologically destructive; is “not safe”
Values the relationship with the child; encourages personhood, mercy and grace; communicates love	Emphasizes first-time obedience, performance, law; utilizes fear and shame

Chart taken from Quivering Daughters: Hope and Healing For the Daughters of Patriarchy © 2010 Hillary McFarland

I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the LORD your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days...(Deut. 30:19-20)

Sheep Story

By Eric M. Pazdziora

The best thing ever written on spiritual abuse is a poem about sheep. I haven’t got many sheep in my neighborhood—the picture here is one we took in Ireland—but every word in this poem is so true it aches.

Someone once asked me, when you hear stories of spiritual abuse—horrible cruel things done by well-intentioned religious people—where do you think the Lord’s heart is in all of it? My answer, of course, was “Don’t ask me; ask the Lord.” Fortunately, the Lord already told us: He wrote a poem about sheep.

It starts with a bit about shepherds who mistreat sheep. Bear in mind that this was written a few thousand years before anybody ever heard the term “spiritual abuse.” Some shepherds take a while to learn, even though the Lord keeps on saying “This is what the LORD says!” Then it goes to a bit about sheep who mistreat other sheep. That happens too; you don’t need authority to be an abuser.

In between and after and throughout and all around, it tells us exactly where the Lord’s heart is. Toward the end it even becomes outright Messianic. And it speaks for itself so clearly that it doesn’t need me to speak for it anymore. Here’s what the Lord says about spiritual abuse, and about sheep.

he word of the LORD came to me:

“Son of man,

prophesy against the shepherds of Israel;

prophesy and say to them:

‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says:

Woe to the shepherds of Israel
who only take care of themselves!

Should not shepherds take care of the flock?

You eat the curds,

clothe yourselves with the wool

and slaughter the choice animals,

but you do not take care of the flock.

You have not strengthened the weak

or healed the sick

or bound up the injured.

You have not brought back the strays

or searched for the lost.

You have ruled them harshly and brutally.

So they were scattered

because there was no shepherd,

and when they were scattered

they became food for all the wild animals.

My sheep wandered

over all the mountains

and on every high hill.

They were scattered over the whole earth,

and no one searched or looked for them.

“‘Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the LORD:

As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD,

because my flock lacks a shepherd

and so has been plundered

and has become food for all the wild animals,

and because my shepherds did not search for my flock

but cared for themselves rather than for my flock,

therefore, O shepherds, hear the word of the LORD:

This is what the Sovereign LORD says:

I am against the shepherds

and will hold them accountable for my flock.

I will remove them from tending the flock

so that the shepherds can no longer feed themselves.

I will rescue my flock from their mouths,

and it will no longer be food for them.

“‘For this is what the Sovereign LORD says:

I myself will search for my sheep and look after them.

As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock

when he is with them,

so will I look after my sheep.

I will rescue them
from all the places where they were scattered

on a day of clouds and darkness.

I will bring them out from the nations

and gather them from the countries,

and I will bring them into their own land.

I will pasture them

on the mountains of Israel,

in the ravines

and in all the settlements in the land.

I will tend them in a good pasture,

and the mountain heights of Israel
will be their grazing land.

There they will lie down in good grazing land,

and there they will feed in a rich pasture

on the mountains of Israel.

I myself will tend my sheep and have them lie down,

declares the Sovereign LORD.

I will search for the lost

and bring back the strays.

I will bind up the injured

and strengthen the weak,

but the sleek and the strong

I will destroy.

I will shepherd the flock with justice.

“‘As for you, my flock,

this is what the Sovereign LORD says:

I will judge between one sheep and another,

and between rams and goats.

Is it not enough for you to feed on the good pasture?

Must you also trample

the rest of your pasture with your feet?

Is it not enough for you to drink clear water?

Must you also muddy the rest with your feet?

Must my flock feed on what you have trampled

and drink what you have muddied with your feet?

‘Therefore this is what the Sovereign LORD says to them:

See, I myself will judge

between the fat sheep and the lean sheep.

Because you shove with flank and shoulder,

butting all the weak sheep with your horns

until you have driven them away,

I will save my flock,

and they will no longer be plundered.

I will judge between one sheep and another.

I will place over them one shepherd,
my servant David,

and he will tend them;

he will tend them
and be their shepherd.

I the LORD will be their God,

and my servant David will be prince among them.

I the LORD have spoken.

“‘I will make a covenant of peace with them

and rid the land of wild beasts

so that they may live in the desert

and sleep in the forests in safety.

I will bless them and the places surrounding my hill.

will send down showers in season;

there will be showers of blessing.

The trees of the field will yield their fruit

and the ground will yield its crops;

the people will be secure in their land.

They will know that I am the LORD,

when I break the bars of their yoke

and rescue them

from the hands of those who enslaved them.

They will no longer be plundered by the nations,

nor will wild animals devour them.

They will live in safety,

and no one will make them afraid.

I will provide for them a land renowned for its crops,

and they will no longer be victims
of famine in the land

or bear the scorn of the nations.

Then they will know that I,

the LORD their God,

am with them

and that they, the house of Israel, are my people,

declares the Sovereign LORD.

You my sheep, the sheep of my pasture, are people,

and I am your God, declares the Sovereign LORD.’”

—Ezekiel 34

Eric M. Pazdziora lives in Chicago, which is sorely lacking in sheep. He works as a freelance composer, editor, writer, and husband (the latter to Carrie). Information about his new CD of hymns about grace, "New Creation," is available from his website at ericpazdziora.com.

Godly Authority: A Flight to Topsyturvydom

by Eric M. Pazdziora

oet and playwright W. S. Gilbert (you might know him from his operettas composed with Arthur Sullivan) wrote some comic poems about the far-away land of Topsyturvydom:

Where vice is virtue—virtue, vice:
Where nice is nasty—nasty, nice:
Where right is wrong and wrong is right—
Where white is black and black is white.

Everything in Topsyturvydom is precisely the opposite of what you expect in our world. Soldiers are cowards, criminals are judges, and babies are born knowing differential calculus and become more ignorant as they grow. It’s silly, of course, but that’s the fun of it. As Ken Medema sang, “The world looks different to you when you’re flying upside down.”

So I’ve noticed a recurring phrase in certain schools of doctrine: “Godly authority.” Husbands should have godly authority over wives. Fathers should have godly authority over children. Pastors should have godly authority over their congregations. Don’t rebel against godly authority.

It sounds good and devout, probably because “godly” is a good faith word and “authority” is something we take for granted. Somebody has to have authority, and certainly “godly authority” seems preferable to the other kind. In fact, it’s exactly what we would expect to hear.

That makes me suspicious. Most of these doctrinaires would agree with me that “godly” should only mean “following what Jesus taught.” But Jesus never taught exactly what we expect to hear. Jesus taught about flying upside down.

Jesus managed to subvert almost everyone’s expectations. They expected a Messiah who would enforce the Law of God; they got one who religious people called a wine-bibber and a friend of prostitutes. They expected a Messiah who would be a conquering hero; they got one who died on a cross with thieves. It’s not for nothing that His critics accused His followers of “turning the world upside down.” Sometimes I’m left wondering whether Jesus was a secret citizen of Topsyturvydom.

When we look at what Jesus taught about authority, what we find seems equally wrong-way-up. Look closely at some of what Jesus said and you’ll start to think you’re standing on your head:

But Jesus called [the disciples] to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:25–28, NKJV. Cf. Luke 22:24–27, Mark 10:42–45.)

When Jesus taught about authority, He said one thing clearly: It’s not about exercising authority. The great one is a servant. The greatest one is a slave.

Jesus didn’t let up with the topsy-turviness, either. He said you shouldn’t even take a title of authority:

“But you are not to be called ‘Rabbi,’ for you have only one Master and you are all brothers. And do not call anyone on earth ‘father,’ for you have one Father, and he is in heaven. Nor are you to be called ‘teacher,’ for you have one Teacher, the Christ. The greatest among you will be your servant. For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” (Matthew 23:8–12, NIV).

The formula for greatness, according to Jesus, is to thrust greatness away from you. It’s not to be looked up to but to be humble. The greatest is the least, the most exalted is the humblest, and the highest is the lowest. If you want to become great, try to be humble; if you want to be humbled, try to be great.

Is this just more nonsense and silliness, something W. S. Gilbert might have dreamed up? Contrast this to the entire doctrinal systems that fixate on authority, and who has it over whom, and whether it’s shaped like a chain or an umbrella, and you do get the distinct impression that somebody is standing on their head. Somebody’s got something very, very wrong.

Here’s another clue in another flight to Topsyturvydom. Jesus based these paradoxical statements directly on Himself and His own work: “just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve.” The apostle Paul (possibly quoting an early Christian hymn) elaborates on this in a lyrical passage:

Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus EVERY KNEE WILL BOW, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (Philippians 2:5–11, NASB)

Jesus was God, and Jesus became a servant. Jesus humbled Himself, so the Father exalted Him. It’s upside-down, but it’s true.

It gets even loopier. When God exalted Jesus to the highest place, He made another statement about authority. It casually succeeds in blowing all our discussions about “godly authority” to smithereens:

Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.” (Matthew 28:18, NIV).

All authority belongs to Jesus.

“All authority in heaven and on earth,” just so we’re clear it’s all-inclusive. Not “all spiritual authority” or “all authority in the church” or “all authority over My disciples.” Those would be radical enough—but “all” means “all.”

This isn’t anti-authoritarianism. There’s plenty of authority for us to obey—but only Jesus has it. It does not belong to anybody else. It is not given to anybody else. It is not shared with anybody else. If anyone says they have any authority in any context and their name is not Jesus Christ, they are wrong. (And if somebody says his name is Jesus Christ, don’t believe him, unless maybe he starts walking on water.)

After this statement, any discussion about who has “godly authority” is pretty much pointless. Nobody does, except Jesus.

Far from being a passing observation, this fact is tied directly to our salvation:

“For you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him.” (John 17:2, NIV)

Since Jesus has all authority over us, Jesus has authority to save us. Since Jesus has all authority over our lives, Jesus has authority to give us eternal life.

So what then? Don’t get the wrong idea. If your association with “authority” gives you a picture of Jesus sitting at the top of the heap and bossing everyone around, then it’s back to Topsyturvydom we go. Jesus followed His own teaching about authority: authority, He said, is something that should make you act like a servant and wash people’s feet.

So when He had washed their feet, and taken His garments and reclined at the table again, He said to them, “Do you know what I have done to you? You call Me Teacher and Lord; and you are right, for so I am. If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I gave you an example that you also should do as I did to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a slave is not greater than his master, nor is one who is sent greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them.” (John 13:12–17, NASB)

This ties everything so far together. Jesus is in authority over us, and (logically enough) we can’t set ourselves up as superior to our authority. Since Jesus humbled himself and acted like a servant, if we follow Him, we should humble ourselves and serve as well. No one sits higher than the King, and the King is washing people’s feet.

So there we are. If godliness means following Jesus, then “godly authority” is an oxymoron. Godliness is not about authority; godliness is about humility. It’s not about leading; it’s about following (namely, following Jesus). It’s not even about “servant leadership”; it’s about servantship.

But—I hear some people still perplexed with the shock of being turned heels over head—but how on earth does that fit with the way we do things in real life? Doesn’t someone have to have authority in, say, the government? In a marriage? In a church? In a workplace? In a family? Doesn’t the Bible tell us directly to submit to those authorities?

All right then, one last flight to Topsyturvydom. The Bible does tell us to submit, which is appropriate enough considering everything we just saw that Jesus said. But what’s glaringly missing are any corresponding verses that say leaders have authority.

This puts an interesting spin on verses and topics that sometimes become needlessly controversial. Consider husbands and wives (I’m thinking of course of Ephesians 5:21–33). Yes, the Bible says fairly clearly, “Wives, submit to your husbands.” But it follows this statement not with the corollary we’d expect—“Husbands, exercise godly authority over your wives”—but with “Husbands, love your wives like Jesus did for the church,” that is, by sacrificing everything so she can benefit. This makes sense when we consider that Jesus’ kind of love involves washing feet like a servant. What do servants do? They submit.

For that matter, and it is simply amazing how rarely this point gets made, the statements about husbands and wives in context both come immediately after this verse:

Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. (Ephesians 5:21).

Godly submission, yes. Godly authority, not so much.

Well, OK, there is one verse that talks about husbands having authority, but I doubt it will ever become especially popular in the Patriarchy movement. It puts it this way:

For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. (1 Corinthians 7:4, ESV).

Again, the idea is not patriarchal authority but mutual submission. (You know what, can we just go ahead and say that this verse all by itself proves once and for all that Patriarchy is an unbiblical teaching? I mean, seriously, “the husband does not have authority.” And that’s not just in the physical relationship; it’s the same Greek word for “authority” that Jesus says in Luke 22:25 we shouldn’t have at all.)

It’s the same with other positions that are considered authoritative. The Bible says that we should serve the government, but also that the government should serve us by providing peace and justice (see Romans 13:4). There’s a reason we call them “public servants.”

Again, the Bible says that we should submit to our pastors, elders, spiritual leaders (however you like to translate presbuteros), but also that they should not lord it over anybody, just serve as good examples (see 1 Peter 5:2–3). Paul explains his position as an apostle precisely this way: “Not that we lord it over your faith, but are workers with you for your joy; for in your faith you are standing firm” (2 Corinthians 1:24, NASB).

It might be tempting to misconstrue this and go running around telling our bosses that they’re not the bosses of us. It’s true, technically, they’re not, but to do that you’d have to ignore all the verses before about humility and servantship. I think we’ve gone so topsy-turvy that we’re making figure eights, so it’s probably time to catch our breaths and see the big picture from the air.

The big picture is simple, clear, and beautiful. It’s love.

We’re free. Anybody who tries to forcefully control us or require us to obey is trying to usurp a position that only belongs to Jesus. Conversely, if I want to lord it over anybody, I’m trying to set myself up as the Lord. Men and women alike, husbands and wives alike, pastors and congregation alike, we’re all brothers and sisters, free and equal.

But since we don’t have to submit and serve out of obligation, that means we’re free to submit and serve just because we want to. Just because we love. Since we’re not obliged to make payments, we can give gifts. We can freely sacrifice for others with no other motive but love. We can serve others not because they have authority over us, but because Jesus has authority over us, and Jesus serves from love.

If you want to see what “godly authority” looks like, don’t look to any person but One. Jesus is washing His followers’ feet. Jesus is giving and serving and loving. Jesus is flying upside down, making loops in the air over Topsyturvydom.

Eric M. Pazdziora still can't fly without an airplane, but music brings him close sometimes. He works as a freelance composer, author, and worship leader, and lives in Chicago with his wife Carrie, several stories above the ground. If you want to hear some of Eric's music or read some more articles, visit his website at ericpazdziora.com.

The Myth of the Lukewarm Christian

by Eric M. Pazdziora

here’s this sermon I’ve heard a few dozen times. You’ve probably heard it too. It goes like this. Some Christians are really passionate and sold out for the Lord. They do great things. They live ri­ghteously. They don’t do anything that could be considered worldly. They only listen to Christian music. They have biblical family values. They’re on fire.

And others? Well, they’re “lukewarm Christians.” Sure, they say they believe, but they’re not that committed. They show up in church to warm the pews, but they still do worldly things. You should see the way they dress and those movies and music they listen to! If only they knew all the right things to do so they could be on fire like us. Jesus says, “So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth” (Rev. 3:16). That, strong children, is why you have to be on fire for the Lord. Let us pray.

Obviously, I can’t object to an exhortation to be more committed to the Lord, and I dislike “easy-believe-ism” as much as the next disillusioned evangelical does. But if you know about Spiritual Abuse, you recognize a few other all-too-familiar themes lurking in the subtext.

There’s a strong temptation to elitism there—you want to be better than all those “lukewarm” folks, don’t you? Legalism’s waiting to pounce, too; it blends in perfectly as long as you define “On fire” as “Doing our things” and “Worldly” as “Not.” All that’s left is for us to spin “I will spit you out of my mouth” as “You might be eternally lost if you don’t do our thing” and we’re practically in cult territory.

But it’s biblical, right? It even has a Bible verse in it, and you can find dozens of people interpreting that verse in exactly that way, pretty much that same sermon, even. Tweak the applications a bit and it’s good for weeks.

Well, there’s one tiny problem: That’s not what that Bible verse means. Actually, it means pretty much the opposite.

Yes, Jesus says He doesn’t like it if you’re “lukewarm.” Yes, Jesus says “I will spit you out of my mouth,” and yes, it’s true (as you’ve probably heard) that that refers to puking. But what makes Jesus want to vomit? Is it really people who claim to follow Him and still (horrors!) watch PG-13 movies with wizards in them? Is it people who claim to follow Him but are just pew-warmers?

Or is it something different? Not just a different token “worldly” action, but a completely different way of thinking about your relationship to the Lord?

The answer, like the answers to most things, is found in context. The context here is the opening chapters of the book of Revelation, that is, the part that you don’t need an advanced degree in theology or screenwriting to interpret. John records letters from Jesus to seven churches in Asia Minor, at once pointing out their sins and shortcomings and encouraging them to stand firm in what faith they have. It’s dynamite stuff; I wish I had time to expound all of it.

The letter with the “lukewarm” verse is the seventh and last, addressed to the church in Laodicea. It begins like this:

¹⁴ “To the angel of the church in Laodicea write: The Amen, the faithful and true Witness, the Beginning of the creation of God, says this: ¹⁵ ‘I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot; I wish that you were cold or hot.

Already this is a bit confusing, given the standard interpretation. If the “hot” people are those who are “on fire” for the Lord, then the “cold” people must be… atheists? Flagrant sinners? Crooked politicians? Richard Dawkins and his merry band of infidels? Could be, but then why does Jesus say “I wish you were cold or hot” like they’re both equally good? Surely He doesn’t consider it the same to be on fire for Him and stone-cold against Him?

¹⁶ ‘So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth.

That bit we know. Jesus doesn’t like lukewarm beverages. He spits them out. Insipidity, something that’s the same temperature as the room, doesn’t do it for Him.

That’s obviously a metaphor for something (unless you’re a hyper-literalist and think that Jesus drinks people). Yet there’s no mention of the behaviors we’re often told are “worldly.” Is Jesus speaking in riddles, or will He explain what He means? What’s the difference between “hot” and “cold”? What makes a person “lukewarm”?

The next verse tells us. Specifically. It even starts with “Because” so we won’t miss that it’s connected. Here’s why Jesus gets nauseated by “lukewarm” believers:

¹⁷ ‘Because you say, “I am rich, and have become wealthy, and have need of nothing,” and you do not know that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked…

Oh.

Well, that’s not what they told us it meant.

The “lukewarm” people Jesus is criticizing think they have it all together, but they don’t. They think they are rich when they are actually poor; they think they can see when they are really blind; they think they need nothing when they are living on the streets. They have the worst of both worlds—all the smugness of wealth and all the neediness of poverty. They need help, but they think they’re well off.

This makes the rest of Jesus’ metaphor perfectly clear. “Lukewarm,” obviously, means a mixture of hot and cold, producing something bland and tepid. The Laodicean church combined feelings of passion for the Lord (hot) with the condition of being apart from the Lord (cold). The result is horrible: people in spiritual need who can’t recognize it because they think they’re doing great.

“Lukewarm” means “self-righteous.”

A “lukewarm Christian” is not somebody who claims to follow Jesus but also does worldly things. It’s somebody who says “I don’t do worldly things, so I’m living in God’s will.”

A “lukewarm Christian” is not somebody who claims to follow Jesus but only shows up on Sundays. It’s somebody who says, “God must be pleased with my devoted church attendance.”

A “lukewarm Christian” is not somebody who doesn’t have a quiver full of children. It’s somebody who says, “I have biblical family values, so I’m more sold out to the Lord than those feminists are.”

Lukewarm Christians are satisfied in themselves. Lukewarm Christians are proud of their spiritual commitment and pleased with all that they do for the Lord. Lukewarm Christians believe that they are living the right way, with all the right values, and all the right methods, and all the right works.

Except they aren’t. The fact that lukewarmness—self-righteousness—nauseates the Lord matches what He said (terrifyingly) about people who won’t make it into heaven:

“Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTICE LAWLESSNESS.’” (Matthew 7:22–23)

These people did great works for the Lord—even miracles—and thought well of themselves, but they missed their need for the Lord Himself. Jesus said, “Only one thing is needful,” and it isn’t to do great works for Him. Jesus wants us to trust Him, rest in Him, believe in Him, see our need for Him, get to know Him, let Him get to know us. That’s all one thing: it’s called Faith.

That may explain why Jesus says “I wish you were cold or hot.” If you’re “hot,” then of course you’re exactly where the Lord wants you to be—surrendering to the All-Consuming Fire. You’re seeing your need of Him and depending on Him to burn away your impurities and kindle your love.

If you’re “cold,” you’re apart from Him—and you feel it. Sometimes we have to hit the bottom before we learn to look up. As Martin Luther said, if you’re going to sin, you may as well sin boldly. None of this socially respectable stuff. Try it all, if that’s what it will take for you to see it doesn’t satisfy. When the Prodigal wound up in a pigsty, he realized how good his father really was. The sooner you get to the end of your rope, the sooner you’ll see your need to be rescued.

Being “cold” is just as good as being “hot,” from a salvific standpoint, because in both cases you’re seeing your need, insufficiency, and helplessness, and coming to depend on Jesus for His grace, forgiveness, and righteousness. The one fatal condition is to be needy while depending on your own righteousness. That’s disgusting. That will get you spit out of Jesus’ mouth. That’s lukewarm.

The point is not that we should be lazy, worldly, or half-hearted in our commitment to Jesus. The point is that there are much worse sins than laziness or worldliness. As C. S. Lewis said, “A cold, self-righteous prig who goes regularly to church may be far nearer to hell than a prostitute. But, of course, it is better to be neither.”

What’s the cure for lukewarmness? Jesus (again) tells us exactly in context. Here’s the rest of His letter:

¹⁸ ‘I advise you to buy from Me gold refined by fire so that you may become rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself, and that the shame of your nakedness will not be revealed; and eye salve to anoint your eyes so that you may see. ¹⁹ ‘Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline; therefore be zealous and repent. ²⁰ ‘Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me. ²¹ ‘He who overcomes, I will grant to him to sit down with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne. ²² ‘He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.’”

The answer is to look to Jesus. It’s to see your need and see that only Jesus can fill it. It’s to ask Him to give you whatever it takes to fill it, and to give up anything it takes to get it. It’s to let Jesus enrich you, cover you, heal you.

There’s hope. Jesus counts even the “lukewarm” people among “those whom I love”; otherwise He wouldn’t take the trouble to correct them. It’s never too late to repent and open the door to friendship with Christ. If you let Jesus sit down with you at your table, He’ll let you sit down with Him on His throne.

If you simply do that—if you open the door to Jesus, trust in Him, get to know Him, and let Him help you overcome your self-righteousness—then you’re not lukewarm anymore. You’re one who overcomes. You’re on fire.

Don’t let any of the lukewarm Christians tell you otherwise.

Eric M. Pazdziora is a recovering legalist, but doesn't like to boast about it. These days, he mostly writes words and music. He lives in Chicago with his beautiful wife Carrie and his spoiled cat Eloise. If you want to hear some of Eric's music or read some more articles, visit his website at ericpazdziora.com.