Recovering Grace: A Gothard Generation Shines Light on the Teachings of IBLP and ATI

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Finding Healing from Disillusionment | Guest Post

by Elizabeth Wyse Cook

What do you do when someone you trust breaks that trust?  When you find out that they are a hypocrite?  When you finally realize that all the little things that didn’t quite make sense before, now make perfect sense, but in the opposite way you had hoped? 

don’t know about you, but I felt lost.  Disoriented.  And hurt – deeply hurt. I totally believed the leader of the organization I was a part of.  Why wouldn’t I?  My parents believed a lot of what he said.  What he said sounded logical.  He seemed to have things all figured out.  He claimed to have answers that no one else did to very common problems that people face.  And his “answers” seemed to work.  If they didn’t, it must be my fault, not his.  I must not be doing it right.  I must not be committed enough.  I just need to keep trying, and then it will work.

I worshiped him, really.  Of course, I would have denied any such thing.  Everyone knows that you only worship God, not people, even really outstanding leaders.  But in reality, I worshiped him.  I believed every word.  I believed the stories he told of the wonderful things God was doing through him and the organization.  I wanted so much to be a part of those wonderful things!

Some things didn’t quite stack up, though.  Why did the board of directors change frequently?  Sometimes it was just one or two leaving and being replaced.  Other times it was almost everyone on the board.  Much later, I learned that the leader, according to the organization’s bylaws, can never be fired.  So, while he claims to be accountable to the board, he really is accountable to absolutely no one. If one of the men on the board disagrees with the leader too much, the leader has been known to be sure they leave the board at the end of their one year term.

The “Joy” and Power of Guilt

by Elizabeth Wyse Cook

by Kiery King

Humble and proud. 

Guilty and righteous. 

Loving and judging. 

They sound like opposites, don’t they?  Maybe that is because they are.  However, during my time with the organization, they often were so mixed that I was a bit confused as to their meaning. 

It was totally unacceptable to be proud, of course.  So we would do various things to make sure we stayed humble.  Sometimes this meant doing things to humble ourselves (menial chores, obeying an authority when we didn’t want to, or asking forgiveness even if we weren’t really wrong).  Sometimes it meant inwardly berating ourselves for our weaknesses and sins.  Sometimes it meant letting someone else berate …er… encourage us.  On the other hand, it could mean flaunting our humility - sharing a story in such a way that everyone listening could see how humbly we had behaved.  But of course, we could never actually claim to be humble either, because that would be pride. 

The Fifth Mile

Continued from here, featuring guest contributor Elizabeth Cook.

by Elizabeth Wyse Cook

e are probably all familiar with the “second mile” principle. Jesus, referring to the law that a Roman soldier could require a Jewish man to carry his heavy backpack one mile in any direction, said, “Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two.” Matthew 5:41 The Jews had no choice but to obey it or face the wrath of the Roman government. If the soldier wanted a rest, the civilian had to carry that pack. And I doubt that all the soldiers were considerate of the direction the civilian was headed or of the load he was carrying for himself.

image source

I’m sure we have all heard explanations of why Jesus said this. The one I’m most familiar with is that when we are forced to do something we don’t like, we can change our attitude about it by doing more than is required. And we might even get a chance to witness to the “soldier” in the process because he will be so shocked at our choosing to help longer than we have to.

However, what often happened in my experience was that the “second mile” became commonplace. As someone told me, “The second mile is totally expected. We have to go the third, fourth, or even fifth mile” to get approval. As I thought about that, I realized it was true. No longer were we appreciated for doing normal chores. We had to give up our free time to do extra chores. No longer was a met deadline good enough. We now had to meet the deadline even though the necessary materials were delivered late. No longer were we praised for finishing the job. We were expected to finish it in shorter and shorter amounts of time.

The First Step . . . Down

... continued from here.

by Elizabeth Wyse Cook

I was so excited! I was old enough to go to the seminar that had changed my parents’ lives! I was a tad bit nervous too; after all, I was a young teenager and this was a big event with hundreds of people attending. I would be expected to act like an adult. But it sounded like a lot of fun as well.

Wide-eyed, I went with my dad through the line to get my workbook. Then we settled into our seats and listened. To me, the material was all brand new. I listened with all of my being, trying to absorb it all (which is of course impossible to do the first time around). I scribbled furiously, trying to keep up with all the notes. When I got behind, my parents let me look at their books so I could catch up. During the break, my parents and others assured me that with this new workbook, taking the notes was easy; a lot was already filled in for us. Back in “the old days” there was no notebook, only paper.

Who is Your God?

by Hillary McFarland

“I'm okay with Jesus.
It's God I'm not too sure about.”

or many daughters of patriarchy, God is an imposing figure. Why wouldn't He be? His name is the one attached to doctrines of men. He is the why behind many destructive religious lifestyle choices. From the earliest crusades unto today's authoritarian Christian family, some form of God's name, character, or command is mis-used and misapplied with devastating results.

     In the hands of a sinner, God is a dangerous weapon.

  

My will be done?

     Of course, we are all sinners with the capacity to use God's name in vain to serve ourselves. For the one, however, who grew up literally threatened with God, experiencing Him as a tool of manipulation and control, of behavior modification, force, and cruelty, God is a destructive force who breaks hearts, crushes life from the spirit, and leaves us without hope.

     The adage is true: actions speak louder than words.

     Despite lifelong biblical messages of God's love and salvation and grace, the imprint left on hearts by God-in-the-everyday becomes what is true. It becomes what is lived, believed, and known. It shapes our theology and our faith.

     The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. (John 10:10a)

     God becomes the enemy.

When the Formula Fails, Part Two | Guest Post

 by David Orrison

In spite of all of these possibilities of coincidental or limited success, and in spite of the effective marketing techniques, spiritual formulas simply don’t work. They don’t work because the Lord resists them. The Scripture is quite clear that the Lord wants His people to draw their hope from their relationship with Him, rather than from their formulas.

     When Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit in the Garden, their intent was simply to become wise like God. They were not rebelling and they were not setting themselves against God. Instead, they were seeking a way to better themselves apart from God. They would eat of the fruit and become wise. It was the first formula, if you will.

     “Truly, this only I have found: That God made man upright, but they have sought out many schemes.” Ecclesiastes 7:29 (NKJV)

     The schemes which God resists are usually set in the context of the wicked, but it is also clear that God resists the attempts of His own people to manipulate or control Him and, as in the case of Adam and Eve, considers those attempts sinful.

     “Woe to the rebellious children,” says the LORD, “Who take counsel, but not of Me, and who devise plans, but not of My Spirit, that they may add sin to sin” Isaiah 30:1 (NKJV)

Why Formulas Don’t Work
 

     God considers it sin when we “devise plans” to manipulate Him. It is not sin for us to seek good things or to do those things which He counsels, of course, but it is sin when we think that a formula will guarantee certain spiritual results. It is an affront to the Person of God. He is not a machine that can be programmed, nor a slave that can be ordered. He is a Person wise and wonderful beyond our comprehension.

     “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8 - 9 (NKJV)

     In order to stop Adam and Eve from reaching out to the Tree of Life and, presumably, attributing that life to their newfound wisdom, God cast them out of the Garden. They would have to learn, through struggle and pain, that their ways were insufficient even to provide for their needs.

     “He frustrates the devices of the crafty, so that their hands cannot carry out their plans. He catches the wise in their own craftiness, and the counsel of the cunning comes quickly upon them.” Job 5:12 - 13 (NKJV)

     It is the plan of God that we live dependent on Him. Our spirituality is a gift from His hand, the result of His love for those who live in relationship with Him. The “good and faithful servant” will not be the one who has applied the most successful formulas for his life. He will be the one who has walked with the Lord in love. We were not designed to live by formulas, but by relationship with Him. So He sets Himself against our formulas. We learn that there must be something more.

     I returned and saw under the sun that — the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to men of understanding, nor favor to men of skill; but time and chance happen to them all. Ecclesiastes 9:11 (NKJV)

     The unpredictability of the mind of God may appear as “time and chance” to those who desire formulas, but love is His motivation and wisdom is His tool. If we limit the progress of our lives to that which we can understand and further limit it to that which we can manage by our formulas, our lives will be far less than what God has in mind for us. His ways and His love may be unpredictable, but they will always provide greater results than our own.

     It is commonly taught, among those who desire formulas, that we must become righteous or blameless in order to please Him. The Law of the Old Testament appears to motivate us toward righteousness so that we can avoid the wrath of God. But it is obviously not our righteousness that pleases Him.

     “But we are all like an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags” Isaiah 64:6 (NKJV)

     All our formulas can do is make us look better than we were, or perhaps better than others. It does not please the Lord for us to seek to manipulate Him. Nor does it please Him for us to try to make ourselves righteous.

     “Can a man be profitable to God, though he who is wise may be profitable to himself? Is it any pleasure to the Almighty that you are righteous? Or is it gain to Him that you make your ways blameless?” Job 22:2 - 3 (NKJV)

     The only righteousness we have comes to us through our relationship with Jesus Christ. It is His and He freely gives it to us. This is what it means to be a Christian. All that we are derives from Who He is. He is good and, in Him, we are good. He is holy and, in Him, we are holy. The progress of our lives, our spiritual growth, comes to us as we walk with Him.

So What Do We Do?

     So what do we do when we realize that the formulas don’t work? What is left when we understand that we can’t manipulate our future or the future of our children? What do we have when everything we have tried fails? We have a real and active Person who loves us!

     It is the plan of God that His people would live in active relationship with Him. He wants us to know Him and trust Him and love Him. He will take care of the rest. He knows that we love our children and we want the best for them. He knows the fear we face in our lives. He knows, He understands, and He loves us.

     Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV)

     Our purpose is to know Him and enjoy Him, to delight in Him. From that will come all the good things of life. He will still be unpredictable, but we will be in wonder of His workings and His love.

     Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Psalms 37:4 (NKJV)

     It is possible, of course, to take even these relationship concepts and make them into formulas. If I just trust Him enough or delight in Him enough, then God will bless me, someone may reason. But the point of these passages is not to focus on the action but on the Object. It is the Lord in Whom we should trust and delight. Our focus must be on Him and not on our performance.

     The formulas cannot save, nor can they create spiritual progress. Spiritual formulas will never make anyone more righteous or more acceptable to God. So set them aside and turn to Jesus. Turn to the One who loves you and has promised to care for you. Learn to walk with Him who has given us all good things.

     Thus says the LORD: “Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, let not the mighty man glory in his might, nor let the rich man glory in his riches; but let him who glories glory in this, that he understands and knows Me.” Jeremiah 9:23 - 24 (NKJV)

___________________________

     You have come to the end of yourself. You sit by the wall with no more hope. You have tried it all; the formulas, the seminars, the books, the prescribed solutions. Nothing has worked. There is nothing more to do.

     Suddenly a bright light is there in the tunnel. Jesus has come to you in your need. He reaches out His hand and you take it. He says simply, “Walk with Me.”

     In His presence you are overwhelmed by His love and kindness. You feel no fear, no shame, and no frustration. All that you ever wanted in life is right there in Him. As you walk you begin to see a light ahead of you. Puzzled, you turn and see the wall behind you. All the evidence of your effort is gone and you realize that you are on the other side of the wall. The goal of your life has been accomplished.

     When you turn to Him and ask Him how this is possible, He says, “Don’t you know that I can walk through walls?”

___________

David Orrison has been a pastor for over 30 years with a sincere desire to help people know the love and grace of the Lord Jesus.  He holds a PhD in Theology from Trinity Seminary.  He has worked with pastors and other church leaders who have been discouraged by the expectations and failures of ministry.  He has also helped parents, spouses, and young people who have been hurt by the legalistic teaching of what he calls, “performance spirituality.”  His website, www.gracefortheheart.org, and blog, http://graceformyheart.wordpress.com, have been sources of encouragement and teaching for many.  He is available for speaking engagements as well.  He and his wife, Alice, have eight sons and live in Colorado. 

When the Formula Fails, Part One | Guest Post

by David Orrison
Imagine yourself in a tunnel facing a wall that appears to seal off the tunnel. Your goal is to get through the tunnel to the other side but the wall is in your way. Fortunately, you have learned that the wall moves as you push it. You begin to push the wall down the tunnel, making progress that provides hope for your goal. However, as you progress, the wall gathers dirt behind it and becomes more and more difficult to push.

     Soon you reach the place where the wall no longer moves. What do you do? You try pushing harder and the wall moves a little. In frustration, you look around and see a little room off the side of the tunnel. The room is a classroom and there are people in the classroom learning techniques for moving the wall. You sit in for a while and then try some of the techniques. Amazingly, they work… for a while. Then the wall stops again.

     About this time you see a television screen on the side of the tunnel. It shows people who are successfully moving their walls. They are making progress; why aren’t you? You watch carefully to learn their techniques and then you go back and try again. Again, the wall moves a little, but stops.

     Finally, there seems to be nothing more you can do. You have tried all the techniques, more than once, and you have certainly tried harder. You’ve run at the wall to hit it, but you just got hurt. You’ve attended classes and seminars, large and small. You’ve read books, watched videos, and heard testimonies of how others have been successful. You’ve done everything you were supposed to do and more but the wall no longer moves. Now what?

Formula Spirituality

     This seems to describe the Christian life for many people. They want to see progress. They believe that progress is possible. They want a happy life, good kids, little conflict; all the reasonable desires of life. They also want to know that God is pleased with them and will not be angry. They have been taught that there are ways to accomplish these things if they just work hard. The Christian life for them is work and progress is made through techniques and superior effort.

     I have come to call this “formula spirituality”. The right formula promises spiritual progress. A formula is simply a technique or method that offers certain results. Like taking copper and tin in the right combination and process to make the much stronger and more durable bronze. If you want bronze, you have to use this formula. You might mix flour, sugar, and other ingredients in specified proportions to get Grandma’s Sugar Cookies. You could use another recipe/formula, but you wouldn’t get Grandma’s Sugar Cookies. Certain results require certain formulas.

     A “spiritual formula” is much the same. There are those who teach that spiritual objectives are reached by certain formulas. If a wife wants a happy relationship with her husband, she must be submissive to him according to a certain formula. If you want good children, there are certain things you must do. If you want God to love you, all you have to do is these five basic steps. The Christian life, with all of its parts, is reduced to formulas.

     But why use a formula? Why not just live your life trusting God for the results? The advantage of a formula is that the results are supposed to be guaranteed. If the formula has been used successfully, the reasoning goes, the results can be reproduced successfully. Stick to the formula, do it right, and the desired results will – must – follow.

     Using a formula in our spiritual life is desirable to many people because of the “cause and effect” rule. Certain causes bring certain effects. Why leave anything to chance? Instead, work the formula and guarantee the results. The formula is certainly the dream of a parent, a person looking for a job, or a concerned marriage partner. If I just do these certain things (work the formula) then the results I hope for must come about.

     In a sense, the formula is designed to control even God. God is locked into the cause and effect process by the formula. Rather than risk His unwillingness to answer our prayers our way, we use the formulas to assure His compliance. A certain number of prayers, a certain posture in prayer, and certain words in prayers have all been part of formulas that Christians have used to try to manipulate God. Perhaps a certain amount or kind of service, certain activities or avoidance of certain activities, or even paying tithes or offerings could be part of formulas used in this way. The formula can be the way around the unpredictable will of God.

Do Spiritual Formulas Work?

All of this begs the question: Do the spiritual formulas work? The answer is yes… and no. Formulas work in the same way that the lottery works. Sometimes the person using the formula gets the results he or she wants. Not always, of course, but enough to keep the concept of using formulas alive. If no one ever won the lottery, if gambling never paid off, people wouldn’t play. If the formulas could never be connected with success, no one would be tempted to use them. But there are just enough “success stories” to keep people working at the formulas.

What is Performance Spirituality?

For the next several weeks, please join us on Wednesdays as Pastor David Orrison from Grace for the Heart Ministries shares about performance spirituality, legalism, and grace.

by David Orrison

We all battle with the performance system in our lives. We were taught from the earliest ages that success and failure are based on our performance. If you do your work well, you will be rewarded. If you perform poorly, you will find no reward and perhaps even punishment. Performance appears to be the key.

     Since reward is positive and punishment is negative, it became very easy to interpret relationships in the same way. Positive relationships come from good performance; negative from bad performance. I am accepted if I do well; rejected if I do poorly. I am loved if I do well; “unloved” if I don’t do well. You see how the process works. We could refer to this as “performance-based relationship.” Many people understand that from their families.

     Add to this the fact that I can never really know the thinking of another person and I am forced to try to keep these relationships while never knowing whether my performance will be good enough. Every time I think I have something figured out, something new comes along. Eventually this leads to depression and anger.

     When we were introduced to God, the performance system was already in place in our lives and in the lives of those who told us about Him. The most natural thing was to infer that the same performance system was in the mind and heart of God. Almost everyone else in our lives was part of that system and they assumed God was also. In fact, they could see it everywhere in the Scriptures and decided that it must be right. That led them to believe some gross inconsistencies and to mistrust the heart of God. After all, we learned that the performance system in life is full of unexplained expectations, arbitrary pronouncements of success and failure, and manipulation for the personal desires of others. If God is part of that system, why wouldn’t we mistrust Him?

     But the most damaging part of the whole system is what it does in us. If I believe in the system, I am doomed to failure, discouragement, and depression. I must measure up, but I cannot measure up. I must succeed, but success is always just out of my grasp. I must live by the highest standards, but my highest are never high enough. Eventually this leads to serious depression, even “self-loathing.” In this system there is no hope and there can never be. We know it in the depths of our hearts.

Performance Yoke