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A Gentle Reality Check for the Daughters of Patriarchy

As I shared on facebook, I've wanted to address this topic for a long time. But while chatting with my friend Darcy, I realized that she was the perfect one to write about it instead. I'm including a teaser clip below, but please click the following link to view the article in its entirety. I couldn't be more thankful or proud of Darcy for this and truly believe that this reality check is sorely needed in the world of Biblical Patriarchy. 

Darcy writes:
My husband's a trucker. I'm "alone" from about Sunday afternoon to Friday afternoon every week during the summer. I have to fend for myself and three kids. I sleep alone, a gun nearby, knowing there may come a night I'll have to use it (and trust me, I can use it better than most men I know). I have to make all the decisions on how to run my house alone. I have to be mature and interact with the world around me (including men and atheists *gasp*) alone. I have to be discerning all by myself, able to judge right and wrong, wise and foolish. If I break down on the side of the road, my husband isn't there to "protect" or rescue me. I have to deal with it as if I were single. I have to be strong and capable and mature and independent every single day. My husband leaves every week depending on me to be all these things and more. If I had an emergency, it could be 12+ hours before my husband could get to me. He didn't need a girl who needed to be coddled, needed someone to make decisions for her, needed to be "led" and guided in daily interactions like a child. He needed a mature woman who could handle an imperfect life. And it's a darn good thing that I didn't spend my growing up years thinking I needed a man to handle my life or come between me and the big bad world. I had to learn how to be a functioning part of society and take care of myself and others. My family's well-being depends on this.

I know girls who weren’t allowed to go grocery shopping, in a safe small town, without their dad or big brother for “protection”. They weren’t allowed to go anywhere without a man, for that matter. Their view of the Big Bad Men in the world they needed to be protected from has grown into a paranoia. They’re scared of their own shadows. They think all men are out to rape them or take advantage of them. And they truly believe they are gullible, weak, and cannot handle life on their own, because that's the line they've been fed all their lives. It's become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
As my friend, Christi, said in comment to this idea:

"This is exactly what patriarchy wants us to believe, that women are weak-minded things incapable of avoiding dangerous situation. I lived alone ...and I never found myself in a compromising position. And how would a predator know whether a woman lived at home with her parents, or with her husband, or lived "alone" (with roommates)?

And while we're talking about this, why don't people realize that homemakers are some of the most "alone" and vulnerable women out there? You seem to not realize that married young women have to do the exact same things that young women who are away at college have to do, and more. I have to go out and do my shopping alone, just like a college girl would (though I imagine that college girls get to carpool together). What's more, I'm even at home alone. I'm pretty sure that I'd really be better protected on a college campus since I'm alone during the day (and night, since my husband works until 11 PM) and have often had to interact with strange men, sometimes even inside my house, while my husband is at work. Apartment maintenance men, internet guy, phone guy, UPS man, door-to-door salesmen, etc. Oh, and it's usually my job to take our car in for repairs and oil changes. Car repairmen are actually pretty nice, or maybe it depends on where you go (which again, is simply a matter of making an intelligence choice).

I mean no disrespect to my husband when I say this but, he's really not here a lot to protect me because he's busy working a full-time job in addition to being a full-time student. My marriage license doesn't really afford me any more physical protection than I had when I was single."
 Please view On Women and Protection to read more! 


  1. Finally! Somebody who's standing up and saying this... Thanks so, so much.

  2. For those who believe in the leading of the Holy Spirit, this may apply. But for those who don't, then I just have to call it coincidence, because I was going to address this, but from a completely different angle. In fact, I'll just go ahead and link to your post and Darcy's post from mine with a visual that goes against the grain of patriarchs who want to make women helpless (if I can find that visual a.k.a. image.)

  3. this is so sad....my heart hurts for girls that grew up like this

  4. THANK YOU! And, remember Moms with many little kids are even MORE vulnerable--their stressed, exhausted and having to keep all those little ones SAFE.

  5. Just a thought, but isn't this a lot of pressure on men/brothers as well, constantly having to follow their sisters around to protect them? Isn't it exhausting to have to be constantly handing down decisions on every little thing? I know some men who are control freaks, but I can't imagine every man in this movement is a control freak.

  6. what a one sided blog that uses emotionally manipulative arguements

  7. Hello ladies,

    What a lovely testimony Darcy has given. Thank you Hillary, thank you Darcy.

    It put me in mind of this in Hebrews 13:4-6:

    Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

    Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

    So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.

    I love the way Darcy is thankful for her life with both her husband and her Lord, and I love her testimony of His never leaving her.

    What absolute beauty before the Throne of Grace,


  8. @FinshingMyCourse-- You could also have said it as, "The author gives an honest and candid description of her perceptions and experiences."

    Everyone's biased; manipulative is as manipulative does.


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