Offering gentle encouragement for women while addressing emotional and spiritual abuse within authoritarian families. "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." (Ps. 147:3)
Hello! Welcome to the Quivering Daughterswebsite. Please note that this site is no longer being updated with new material but I hope you find the archives helpful. God bless you.
The best thing ever written on spiritual abuse is a poem about sheep. I haven’t got many sheep in my neighborhood—the picture here is one we took in Ireland—but every word in this poem is so true it aches.
Someone once asked me, when you hear stories of spiritual abuse—horrible cruel things done by well-intentioned religious people—where do you think the Lord’s heart is in all of it? My answer, of course, was “Don’t ask me; ask the Lord.” Fortunately, the Lord already told us: He wrote a poem about sheep.
It starts with a bit about shepherds who mistreat sheep. Bear in mind that this was written a few thousand years before anybody ever heard the term “spiritual abuse.” Some shepherds take a while to learn, even though the Lord keeps on saying “This is what the LORD says!” Then it goes to a bit about sheep who mistreat other sheep. That happens too; you don’t need authority to be an abuser.
In between and after and throughout and all around, it tells us exactly where the Lord’s heart is. Toward the end it even becomes outright Messianic. And it speaks for itself so clearly that it doesn’t need me to speak for it anymore. Here’s what the Lord says about spiritual abuse, and about sheep.
he word of the LORD came to me:
“Son of man,
prophesy against the shepherds of Israel;
prophesy and say to them:
‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says:
Woe to the shepherds of Israel who only take care of themselves!
Should not shepherds take care of the flock?
You eat the curds,
clothe yourselves with the wool
and slaughter the choice animals,
but you do not take care of the flock.
You have not strengthened the weak
or healed the sick
or bound up the injured.
You have not brought back the strays
or searched for the lost.
You have ruled them harshly and brutally.
So they were scattered
because there was no shepherd,
and when they were scattered
they became food for all the wild animals.
My sheep wandered
over all the mountains
and on every high hill.
They were scattered over the whole earth,
and no one searched or looked for them.
“‘Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the LORD:
As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD,
because my flock lacks a shepherd
and so has been plundered
and has become food for all the wild animals,
and because my shepherds did not search for my flock
but cared for themselves rather than for my flock,
therefore, O shepherds, hear the word of the LORD:
This is what the Sovereign LORD says:
I am against the shepherds
and will hold them accountable for my flock.
I will remove them from tending the flock
so that the shepherds can no longer feed themselves.
I will rescue my flock from their mouths,
and it will no longer be food for them.
“‘For this is what the Sovereign LORD says:
I myself will search for my sheep and look after them.
As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock
when he is with them,
so will I look after my sheep.
I will rescue them from all the places where they were scattered
on a day of clouds and darkness.
I will bring them out from the nations
and gather them from the countries,
and I will bring them into their own land.
I will pasture them
on the mountains of Israel,
in the ravines
and in all the settlements in the land.
I will tend them in a good pasture,
and the mountain heights of Israel will be their grazing land.
There they will lie down in good grazing land,
and there they will feed in a rich pasture
on the mountains of Israel.
I myself will tend my sheep and have them lie down,
declares the Sovereign LORD.
I will search for the lost
and bring back the strays.
I will bind up the injured
and strengthen the weak,
but the sleek and the strong
I will destroy.
I will shepherd the flock with justice.
“‘As for you, my flock,
this is what the Sovereign LORD says:
I will judge between one sheep and another,
and between rams and goats.
Is it not enough for you to feed on the good pasture?
Must you also trample
the rest of your pasture with your feet?
Is it not enough for you to drink clear water?
Must you also muddy the rest with your feet?
Must my flock feed on what you have trampled
and drink what you have muddied with your feet?
‘Therefore this is what the Sovereign LORD says to them:
See, I myself will judge
between the fat sheep and the lean sheep.
Because you shove with flank and shoulder,
butting all the weak sheep with your horns
until you have driven them away,
I will save my flock,
and they will no longer be plundered.
I will judge between one sheep and another.
I will place over them one shepherd, my servant David,
and he will tend them;
he will tend them and be their shepherd.
I the LORD will be their God,
and my servant David will be prince among them.
I the LORD have spoken.
“‘I will make a covenant of peace with them
and rid the land of wild beasts
so that they may live in the desert
and sleep in the forests in safety.
I will bless them and the places surrounding my hill.
will send down showers in season;
there will be showers of blessing.
The trees of the field will yield their fruit
and the ground will yield its crops;
the people will be secure in their land.
They will know that I am the LORD,
when I break the bars of their yoke
and rescue them
from the hands of those who enslaved them.
They will no longer be plundered by the nations,
nor will wild animals devour them.
They will live in safety,
and no one will make them afraid.
I will provide for them a land renowned for its crops,
and they will no longer be victims of famine in the land
or bear the scorn of the nations.
Then they will know that I,
the LORD their God,
am with them
and that they, the house of Israel, are my people,
declares the Sovereign LORD.
You my sheep, the sheep of my pasture, are people,
and I am your God, declares the Sovereign LORD.’”
—Ezekiel 34
Eric M. Pazdziora lives in Chicago, which is sorely lacking in sheep. He works as a freelance composer, editor, writer, and husband (the latter to Carrie). Information about his new CD of hymns about grace, "New Creation," is available from his website at ericpazdziora.com.
For the next several weeks, please join us on Wednesdays as Pastor David Orrison from Grace for the Heart Ministries shares about performance spirituality, legalism, and grace.
by David Orrison
We all battle with the performance system in our lives. We were taught from the earliest ages that success and failure are based on our performance. If you do your work well, you will be rewarded. If you perform poorly, you will find no reward and perhaps even punishment. Performance appears to be the key.
Since reward is positive and punishment is negative, it became very easy to interpret relationships in the same way. Positive relationships come from good performance; negative from bad performance. I am accepted if I do well; rejected if I do poorly. I am loved if I do well; “unloved” if I don’t do well. You see how the process works. We could refer to this as “performance-based relationship.” Many people understand that from their families.
Add to this the fact that I can never really know the thinking of another person and I am forced to try to keep these relationships while never knowing whether my performance will be good enough. Every time I think I have something figured out, something new comes along. Eventually this leads to depression and anger.
When we were introduced to God, the performance system was already in place in our lives and in the lives of those who told us about Him. The most natural thing was to infer that the same performance system was in the mind and heart of God. Almost everyone else in our lives was part of that system and they assumed God was also. In fact, they could see it everywhere in the Scriptures and decided that it must be right. That led them to believe some gross inconsistencies and to mistrust the heart of God. After all, we learned that the performance system in life is full of unexplained expectations, arbitrary pronouncements of success and failure, and manipulation for the personal desires of others. If God is part of that system, why wouldn’t we mistrust Him?
But the most damaging part of the whole system is what it does in us. If I believe in the system, I am doomed to failure, discouragement, and depression. I must measure up, but I cannot measure up. I must succeed, but success is always just out of my grasp. I must live by the highest standards, but my highest are never high enough. Eventually this leads to serious depression, even “self-loathing.” In this system there is no hope and there can never be. We know it in the depths of our hearts.
Coffee’s rumble draws me awake. I can hear it beyond the door, waiting, steaming and fresh, for eager cups. I stretch my arms, blink in the sun. It is morning now—morning, when mercies are new. Even as a little girl, I need new mercy like mommy needs her coffee.
Although I don’t know what it is, exactly, I think about it sometimes when I run down the hill, run away to my sanctuary. It nestles, my nook under the trees, cozy and waiting, warm and soft from summer. It’s important to have a place when you’re little, you know, a spot all your own where you can curl up and let the forest murmur against your cheeks. A place where you can think about things—deep things, the mysteries of life and pain—while the zephyr wraps you up in sheets and the sun tucks you in.
They say mercies are new in the morning. I don’t know about that. I don’t know mercy but I do know hell, and it lurks in the shadows of dawn and noon and night. It haunts me when I’m seven and seventeen and twenty-seven, clutching at my heels, waiting for me to fall. It pricks me when I fail, a thousand times, to be the gentle sister, the pleasing daughter, the loving woman God wants me to be. It suffocates me as I plan my death, and I can see it, see hell waiting, and I stay alive and afraid for another morning. A thousand haunted mornings . . .
In the context of being an adult child who experienced mind control throughout their upbringing or who still experiences it within adulthood, it's essential to understand how it works and why it's unhealthy. In this series we are discussing Steve Hassan's BITE model of mind control(see introduction here; part 1; part 2; part 3). Hassan is recognized worldwide for his work as an exit counselor and has written two books: "Combatting Cult Mind Control" and "Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves."
Continuing with the third portion of Steve Hassan's BITE model:
1. Need to internalize the group's doctrine as "Truth"
a. Map = Reality
b. Black and White thinking
c. Good vs. evil
d. Us vs. them (inside vs. outside)
2. Adopt "loaded" language (characterized by "thought-terminating clichés"). Words are the tools we use to think with. These "special" words constrict rather than expand understanding. [emphasis added] They function to reduce complexities of experience into trite, platitudinous "buzz words".
3. Only "good" and "proper" thoughts are encouraged.
4. Thought-stopping techniques (to shut down "reality testing" by stopping "negative" thoughts and allowing only "good" thoughts); rejection of rational analysis, critical thinking, constructive criticism.
a. Denial, rationalization, justification, wishful thinking
b. Chanting
c. Meditating
d. Praying
e. Speaking in "tongues"
f. Singing or humming
5. No critical questions about leader, doctrine, or policy seen as legitimate
6. No alternative belief systems viewed as legitimate, good, or useful
_______________
From a Christian Perspective
Thought Control is a hallmark of cults. But much of what we see here is part of our daily walk with the Lord! As believers, certainly we are to pray. Singing is biblical, and so is right thinking. Meditation upon God's word is always encouraged, and Paul reminds us, Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. (Phil. 4:8) Additionally, as we discussed in the beginning of this series, we are to be transformed by the renewing of our mind. So what is the difference? How can something good be used destructively?
It's important to understand that doctrine or belief systems are not always what makes a group cultic. Leaders within a church or family who wield undue influence and use mind control to coerce (control, manipulate, train, etc.) their members may actually believe right things. In other words, they may believe Truth. However, one can have correct doctrine and yet through authoritarian, sinful, or destructive orthopraxy—the practice of one's doctrine—still be aberrant in nature. In my article The Cultic Family, Part III I offered several biblical refutations of cultic criteria, of which some appear to be the responsible activity of diligent, earnest Christians. Please review this article as you reflect on this element of mind control.
Join us over at Elizabeth Esther's place for a gathering of friends, linky-links, and writers sharing what was on their hearts this past September. I submitted my post about perfectionism and holiness titled "Grace With a Floppy Face." What would you like to share?
Last week I listened to the best message I've heard in years. It was presented by Jay DePoy and is not-so-coincidentally about grace, mercy, truth, and forgiveness. If you struggle to understand grace or simply want to understand it more fully, I encourage you to listen to Drop the Rocks, 9/19/10. Jay's voice is fresh, honest, and humble; I think you will be exceedingly blessed through his sermon. If you have time, take notes and record your reflections as you listen. I'd love for you to add your thoughts in the comments here.
Will you journey with us to grace? We gather on Fridays. Please insert the direct link to your post on grace into the linky list below, add a comment, and be blessed through the discoveries of others.
broken arm is painful. A broken glass is dangerous. A broken mirror is unlucky. A broken heart is depressing. A broken toy is sad. A broken promise is wrong.
So it’s strange that some well-meaning devotional writers tell us that spiritual brokenness is something we should aspire to, an attitude that we should constantly maintain. The doctrine has it that God uses suffering to break us spiritually, forcing us to depend on Him and making us willing to serve Him.
The Bible says the opposite. Spiritual brokenness is destructive and unbearable:
The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness, But who can bear a broken spirit? (Proverbs 18:14, ESV)
A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones. (Proverbs 17:22, ESV)
Life has a way of hurting us, injuring us, breaking us. Sin, grief, injury, pain, suffering, bereavement, all of them act on our spirits like a hammer on glass. Some people may be in denial about it; some may be suffering from it every moment; some may be slowly recovering. Whatever the case, nobody needs to break us. We don’t need to break ourselves. We’re already broken.
That’s not a good thing. That’s an awful, painful, horrible thing. But it leads us to the only verse in Scripture that seems to put brokenness in a positive light:
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise. (Psalm 51:17, NASB)
That might be where some of those misguided teachings were extrapolated from. In reality, the verse is much simpler, deeper, and better than that. David wrote this psalm while he was in anguish over the guilt of his sin with Bathsheba and Uriah. Sin breaks our spirits; remorse breaks our hearts.
When we’re broken like this, in our shame or despair or pain, we start to think that God doesn’t want us, that we’re not good enough for Him, that we have to wait until we’re whole again before we go to God. Who wants a broken heart lying around cluttering up their house? Broken things belong in the trash, not in the throne room.
Not so, says penitent David. God doesn’t despise us if we’re broken. God wants us to bring our brokenness to Him. God wants us to come to Him fractures and all. God will take any heart you have to give Him, even a broken one. Especially a broken one.
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the LORD delivers him out of them all. (Psalm 34:18–19, NASB)
Brokenness is an affliction (not an aspiration), but the Lord is in the business of saving people from afflictions. The Lord doesn’t just want you to bring your broken heart to Him; the Lord sees your broken heart as a reason to come near to you.
The Lord does not break us in order to heal us any more than a doctor breaks your leg in order to put a cast on it. Why should He break you when He wants you to be whole? Isaiah said as much a few thousand years before:
A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out. In faithfulness he will bring forth justice… (Isaiah 42:3, NIV)
God doesn’t break you. But if you’re already broken or hurting, God heals you. If you have a broken arm, you go to the doctor. If you have a broken sprit, yougo to the Great Physician.
I will seek the lost, bring back the scattered, bind up the broken, and strengthen the sick… (Ezekiel 34:16a, NASB)
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3)
God heals you by taking your brokenness onto Himself. In the person of Jesus Christ, God Himself was bruised, rejected, beaten, bloodied, broken.
Surely He has borne our griefs And carried our sorrows; Yet we esteemed Him stricken, Smitten by God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed. (Isaiah 53:4–5, NKJV)
…this is My body which is broken for you. (1 Corinthians 11:24, NKJV)
This is one of many reasons we worship our Lord by making a sacrament out of broken bread. That was our brokenness on that Cross. You don’t need to be broken anymore—by His wounds we are healed. And when we are broken, we can look past the brokenness of the Cross to the empty tomb. What is broken will be made whole. What is dead will be brought to life.
Brokenness isn’t something we need to achieve. Brokenness is something we already have. Brokenness is something Jesus heals.
Jesus’ Heart
What can bring hope to a broken heart? Only a heart that’s been broken too; And Jesus Christ had a broken heart When He spilled His blood for me and you.
What can bring warmth to a frozen heart? Only a heart with the fire of love, And Jesus Christ has a heart of fire With the tenderness of God above.
What can bring peace to a troubled heart? Only a heart that has conquered pain, And Jesus Christ is the Prince of Peace, For He gave His life and He rose again.
What can bring help to a sinful heart? Only a heart that is free from sin, And Jesus Christ has a perfect heart— Will you give your heart to be cleansed by Him?
Eric M. Pazdziora is celebrating his mumblemumbleth birthday today, and he got a new CD of his original settings of hymns about grace. There are copies for everyone else, too. His wife Carrie sings on it, so it's really good. If you want one, some details are on this post at ericpazdziora.com.
Every once in a while a light shines out revealing the truth of our surroundings. Sometimes it only lasts a moment, but we gain insights that change our understanding of the world. Suddenly, the explanation we have been looking for explodes like a flash of lightning.
For several years we observed a phenomenon we struggled to understand. We watched as people in our (insert your favorite legalist/performance community here) group put each other down, humiliated certain people, and offered the most self-righteous criticism we had ever heard. If we tried to interfere, we were met with rejection—by the victims! An obvious pecking order existed, but why it was tolerated was beyond us.
The pecking order extended beyond our group. When someone came from HQ it was obvious that he or she was of a higher class than the rest of us. When we attended gatherings, it appeared that the put downs and criticisms happened even among the elite leadership. And, again, the victims seemed to be more committed to the group than before.
In my counseling office, the real feelings would come out. Anger, hurt, rejection, depression—spewed out as the consequence of this kind of group interaction. I would ask why the victims allowed the abuse to continue and they would have no answer. They just wanted to be a part of the group. They believed that there was something in it for them, if they could just get their act together.
As I counseled and observed, I realized this was the way almost everyone in the group felt. They lived in fear of criticism, knowing they never really measured up to the group standard. Husbands felt like they were failures. Wives felt disappointed and ashamed. Kids felt frightened and angry. No one was happy! So, why did they stay in the group and what made the group popular?
I puzzled about this for a long time, believing my observations to be accurate but not being able to explain what was going on. Then, while watching a favorite television program, I heard a succinct explanation of the situation. It was on “The Mentalist”, March 24, 2009, about 28 minutes into an episode called, “Carnelian, Inc.” Patrick Jane, the main character, explained brainwashing, the way a certain group was able to manipulate its members. He said:
Continuing my series on Mind Control and the Adult Child, and our discussion of Hassan's BITE model..."B" here.
dult children from deeply conservative, homeschooling families are probably familiar with the degree of "child sheltering" often taught at conferences, in homeschool groups, and shared among like-minded families. I'm sure we'd all agree that it's important to protect children from inappropriate messages, images, behavior, and other things that could bring spiritual, emotional, psychological, or physical harm. I'm sure, also, that many of us are thankful our parents cared enough to understand their responsibility to us.
Mind control within the Christian family is, understandably, a difficult topic to read about or address, especially when our heart's desire is to love and honor those who raised us. Sometimes this forces silence and hiding ~ but silence and hiding are not helpful to our walk with God or to ourselves. As previously stated, addressing issues that have arisen in our lives does not mean we don't love, appreciate, or honor our parents. Jesus was sent to heal the brokenhearted and to bind up wounds. Acknowledging that we have wounds admits that we need Jesus.
The Quiverfull Family
One challenge that full-quiver parents sometimes face is how to shelter each child properly with regards to their individual maturity. While this is a broad application, what is relevant to seventeen-year-old Mark won't be appropriate for four-year-old Jane, but to keep Mark at Jane's level won't be conducive to his growth. It's a fine balance, one that requires wisdom and the Holy Spirit for parents to navigate successfully. As adults, sometimes we need to examine some of the roots in our lives that, established in childhood, bear unwanted fruit as we mature. It is my prayer that as we look over this information and seek wisdom and truth for our inward parts, God will give us understanding of our infirmities, compassion for others, and show us the way to freedom.
While it's likely that not all of these elements will be present in your history, review the ways information is controlled within destructive or high-demand groups. How did your experience differ? How was it the same? If you were exposed to certain things at a later time, how did you feel / what did you think after absorbing the material?
2. Access to non-cult sources of information minimized or discouraged
a. Books, articles, newspapers, magazines, TV, radio
b. Critical information
c. Former members
d. Keep members so busy they don't have time to think
3. Compartmentalization of information; Outsider vs. Insider doctrines
a. Information is not freely accessible
b. Information varies at different levels and missions within pyramid
c. Leadership decides who "needs to know" what
4. Spying on other members is encouraged
a. Pairing up with "buddy" system to monitor and control
b. Reporting deviant thoughts, feelings, and actions to leadership
5. Extensive use of cult generated information and propaganda
a. Newsletters, magazines, journals, audio tapes, videotapes, etc.
b. Misquotations, statements taken out of context from non-cult sources
6. Unethical use of confession
a. Information about "sins" used to abolish identity boundaries
b. Past "sins" used to manipulate and control; no forgiveness or absolution
Thoughts for Discussion
A sheltered upbringing is a point of delicate concern for those on both sides of this spectrum. Please share your experience, whether you believe it was positive or negative. Some who were extremely over-controlled report a sense of betrayal when realizing that all was not as portrayed to them. How has this impacted you? Your faith? Your trust, of God and others? Please share whatever comes to mind as you reflect on these issues.
___ The BITE Model
From chapter two of Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves
Soul Liberty Faith is hosting a giveaway for my book, Quivering Daughters ~ Hope and Healing for the Daughters of Patriarchy. Please click here for more information. I hope you're having a lovely weekend!
Lisa Byrne is a holistic health counselor and Christian mom. When a dear friend read her article,"Who Do You Feel You Are", she sent it to me immediately because she knew I'd love it. And I do. The entire piece is wonderfully refreshing, but there is something specific I want to share that women struggling with the bonds of 'performance spirituality' need to understand. Lisa writes,
The bible records that Jesus was asked what the most important commandment was. He replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.‘This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ But in my experience, this is more than a command..it is how things truly are. I can only love others as I love myself. I can only extend grace to others as I allow myself to accept grace.
How are you?
How are you, really?
I see this paragraph as a call to seek truth in the inward parts, like David writes; as a call to see what is real, not just as we really wish they would be. For in our zeal to follow Jesus' command to deny ourselves and take up the cross, the full context of His command to "love your neighbor as yourself" often becomes watered down. Worried we'll go too far, others warn us that self-love is innate, natural to the flesh and something to rise above everyday. Perhaps some need these exhortations, but what about those who struggle with depression and emotional wounds? With bitter self-hatred? Whose arms wear burns and slash marks? Whose heart wears burns and gashes?
If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? 1 John 4:20
What if you were your own neighbor? What if you were your own brother?
Have Grace
I live in the South where Southern hospitality comes a-twinkling in crystal glasses of sweet iced tea. We want you to be comfortable, to eat, to inhale gallons of tea and relax on a porch swing loaded with giant floral pillows. Your visit would not be complete unless you heard "Can I get you anything, honey? Are you hungry? Do you need another pillow?" at least thirty times. While I am not the epitome of the southern gal ~ I 'm not as sunny, for one thing, and I'll offer you powerfully strong coffee, and the porch swing might be a dusty seat on the balcony with plants tickling your ear ~ I do want my friends to feel comfortable, to feel wanted, welcomed, and loved. To leave refreshed, nurtured, rested, inspired, and ready to face another day.
Scripture tells us that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. What does your mouth speak about yourself? Do you attend to your needs? The expression "actions speak louder than words" applies, too. If you treated your friend the way you treat yourself, how do you think she would she respond? If you spoke to your friend the way you speak to yourself, how would she feel? Try to reflect on this over the next few days. It's important to be aware of how you view yourself.
This isn't a call to selfishness; rather, a plea for balance. Look again at the command: love your neighbor as yourself. What a lovely tension! Yet there was a time in my life that if I truly loved my neighbor as myself, that would mean I'd punch my neighbor in the leg. That I'd tell her she was fat and ugly and worthless and should've never been born. That she was a mistake and a burden to everyone she loved. I would've tried to rip the hair off her head and scream at her til I was hoarse and beg God to kill her. I would've planned her murder.
If you were to truly love your neighbor as yourself, what would this look like to her? Would you try to poison her? Would you attack her with razors? Would you starve her? Withhold care and nourishment? Would you make her work and work and work without rest? Would you force her to eat until she's sick? Would you keep her from health? Would you hate her, tear her down and tell her it's for her own good, so she can learn humility?
Lisa Byrne writes truth she learned from her own experience:
I can only nurture others as I nurture myself.
Please pray that God will show you what this means for you, and how this looks for your life. Just as He is gracious, let us be gracious to others, even when the others are ourselves.
Reflections: How do you treat yourself? How does your own heart see you, and your mouth speak of you? What would it mean for you to learn to love your neighbor as you love yourself? What holds you back?
Discover grace with us on Fridays and link to discoveries of your own...
I was thinking and praying about my topic for this week, and one story just wouldn’t get out of my head—Mary and Martha. We all know it, it’s really simple, but sometimes it does us a world of good to go back to the basics.
So I started my usual round of studying, reading, praying, trying to find the shape of the idea, maybe a profound insight, a unique twist, something unexpected, something new. The weekend went by, and I still had only a handful of scattered notes and observations. Nothing was coming together.
Writers don’t like that, or at least I don’t. I get a bit frazzled and start to fidget, especially when I know there are a lot of people waiting for me to meet a deadline. My other articles so far have all been enjoyable to write, but this one was just not working. Yet I couldn’t get away from the topic. I was starting to get worried and upset, wondering if I would have to work harder than usual to make a good post that would really serve you.
And then all of a sudden it hit me. I was getting distracted and worried by all the work and service I had to do…
…while trying to write an article on Mary and Martha.
Yeah, sometimes it takes me a while.
Now, as Chesterton said, I’m the fool of this story, thank you very much, and I’ll have no one coming to topple me from the jester’s throne. But really, my own thick-headedness makes the point (better than any illustration I could have thought up) of just how easy it is at any moment for any one of us to get a case of Martha’s Disease.
“But I am afraid that, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, your minds will be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ” (2 Corinthians 11:3, NASB).
Martha just wanted to serve—to serve Jesus, in fact. Serving is a good thing; serving Jesus is an even better thing. But that was the problem. It’s not the best thing. Strictly speaking, it’s not even a necessary thing. Only one thing is needed.
Mary found it. She found it at Jesus’ feet, just sitting, listening, and being. And even though someone close to her berated her for it with the best of intentions, nothing could take it away. Not then, not ever.
It would be a mistake to say “We need to be more like Mary.” The whole point of what Mary was like is letting go of sentences that begin “We need to.”
“One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.” (Psalm 27:4)
So, nothing fancy today. You don’t need me to tell you what you already know; you can just stop and remember it again. Let’s go back to the story we all know and spend some time listening to what Jesus has to say. Read it slowly and reflect and bask in it. Spend some time at Jesus’ feet. That’s all.
As Jesus and His disciples were going along, Jesus came to a village where there was a woman named Martha. She welcomed Him as a guest.
She had a sister named Mary, who came and sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to what He said.
But Martha was distracted, pulled this way and that with all her serving.
She came up to Jesus and said, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister is leaving me to do all the serving alone? So tell her to help me!”
“Martha, Martha,” Jesus answered. “You’re worrying and bothering about so many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is best, and it will not be taken away.”
Eric M. Pazdziora wishes he could practice what he preaches as much as he practices the piano. He writes music and words in Chicago with his wife Carrie, who guessed where this article was going before he got there. A forthcoming CD of his settings of hymns on grace, New Creation, can be found along with more writing at ericpazdziora.com.
Alison fromJoy in the Journey surprised me last week with this lovely blog award! It is shared between bloggers to show appreciation and recognition for their work, their writing, and their purpose. I am truly humbled by this and honored to accept. :-) Alison is a long-time reader of Quivering Daughters; I've had the privilege of sharing a bit of her journey over the last year and more. You can read about her here while peeking at her adorable little babies while you're there. :-) Thank you for this, friend.
So here's how this is done:
Rules of The Versatile Blogger Award:
1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award. (You don't have to do this part if you don't want to; I realize this is a controversial site and you might not feel comfortable linking to it.)
2. Share seven things about yourself.
3. Pass on the award to up to fifteen deserving bloggers.
4. Contact the bloggers you chose for the award.
Okay, here we go:
About Me in Seven...
1. Awards and about-mes make me shy. So I'm blushing in my heart right now. And about right now ... I am supposed to be tackling a huge pile of laundry. But isn't passing out blog awards so much more fun?
2. I am an artist. I have recently rediscovered how therapeutic it is to unleash my acrylics on a poor, unsuspecting canvas. I'm also an amateur digital photographer who relishes fabulous Adobe Lightroom and CS3.
3. I've been married for 8 years to an awesome guy, whose support and love have helped me immensely in my walk with the Lord and emotional healing. Without him I wouldn't be where I am today. He is my ezer.
4. I am not a good candidate for this award because I am behind on writing reviews! Coming Soon(ish) But Not Soon Enough: A review of Paradise Recovered: a new coming of age feature-length film from By The Glass Productions where a devout young woman learns about faith, living, and love from a surprising source; and: Shari Howerton's amazing spiritual memoir Breaking the Chains about her experience within a cultic church. I'm sure I missed others on my list somewhere.
5. I am so stuck at number 5. I'm really quite a boring person. I see my desk, which needs to be organized. I smell my hazelnut candle, burning warm. I'm thinking about coffee in the afternoon. I don't know what people want to know about me. Wait...I'll go ask on facebook...
6....and of course my friends came through! Some of the questions were really great and I will try to find a way to incorporate them into future posts. One friend asks: how did you meet your husband? At work. :-) But we were friends for awhile before anything changed. I was very serious and he was always cracking jokes and trying to make me laugh or blush (I used to blush very easily). And then he found out what kind of coffee I liked and started bringing me coffee, even if he happened to be off that day. I noticed how he was always carrying things for people or opening doors for others...very chivalrous without being stuffy. He's a keeper. :-)
7. Another question: It's pouring down rain outside on a Saturday. How do you spend your time? I reply: Ahhhh! I love rainy Saturdays! After a cuddly morning with afore-mentioned awesome guy, I light candles and we enjoy a pot of coffee or two. Then I might paint or clean a bit or cook or write.
______________
Now this is more my style! Here are the versatile bloggers I've chosen to receive The Versatile Blog Award...
Emily | in the hush of the moon Inspiration, creativity, love, and soul.
Sisterlisa | Soul Liberty Faith Intriguing reflections on Christian spirituality.
Bethany | Coffee-Stained Clarity The journey of a young mother healing from spiritual abuse.
Darlene | Emerging from Broken Survivor of sexual abuse who writes about depression and mental health.
Leah | Musings Aloud Sweetness and beauty and a tender heart.
Darcy | Darcy's Heart Stirrings Thinking mama, special friend.
Jumpers2Jeans | Denim Jumpers to Blue Jeans Finding freedom in the One who makes free.
Jerry | Grace Like Rain A father seeking grace.
Karen | That Mom She has a wonderful ministry for homeschooling mothers.
Rachel | Three in One Makes Five A young mother addressing her past while on the road to grace.
Young Mom | Permission to Live Her husband is a protestant minister and she leans toward Catholicism.
Trish | Bringing Creativity to Life A Blog for Burnt-out Human Beings. (Don't you love that line?)
Paula | Words of a Fether She writes about the Bible.
Meg | Meg Moseley's Blog Her amazing novel about spiritual abuse comes out from Waterbrook next spring.
Bethany | Goats and Dandelions She is fascinating and so are her reflections on life.
Krista | Rambling Tart You will drool. I promise.
Women raised within authoritarian homeschooling, Quiverfull, or fundamentalist Christian families know that our parents had good, godly intentions for their choice of lifestyle. Nevertheless, as we often discuss at Quivering Daughters, many of us grew up experiencing depression, thoughts of suicide, fear, shame, and other serious ramifications as a partial result of the abuse of authority and the abuse of control. Obviously this doesn't implicate every homeschooling or Quiverfull family, but if you were raised with such a conservative background and struggle with these issues, you know what this involves. "Abuse" means"mis-use." We know that addressing the effects of the mis-use of authority, the mis-use of our emotions, and the mis-use of our spirituality and personhood doesn't mean that we don't love our families, our pastor or husband or whoever operated outside of their boundaries. In fact, we must invite the light of Christ into these painful places in order to be healed. This means that we must seek truth and expose darkness.
In the quest for healing from over-control, it's important to understand how it happens so we can begin addressing the areas affected. We've discussed why the mind is so important, for as Christians, we are to be transformed by the renewing of it so that we can prove good, acceptable, and perfect will of God. No one else can do this for us. However, many try!
I do not address minors regarding these issues, but our upbringing plays a huge role in why we sometimes feel stuck today. This isn't to cast blame or vilify parents or anyone else but to simply apprehend the truth about what contributes to our dilemma. Understanding the roots of our struggles will clue us in to practical ways of overcoming them.
Please note: I realize that much of my audience has an acquired disdain for modern psychology. I hope, however, that the material I present will be a helpful tool to facilitate your journey. As always, also know that I'm not a mental health professional. Please research these things on your own, ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom, search the Scriptures, and pray for God to lead you as you address your past. Again: the purpose of this is not to blame or shame anyone who has, for reasons and convictions of their own, promoted these things. It is to understand what role undue influence, thought patterns, and methods of living have played in our lives ~ with the goal of taking responsibility for ourselves, our beliefs, and recovery.
Hassan graciously gave me permission to reprint his document "Mind Control ~ The BITE Model" in my book, although it didn't make it into the final version. His history and grasp of mind control gives him a unique perspective on the ways psychological coercion affects our lives ~ and readers may be shocked to discover unique similarities between what he has observed from destructive groups and the daily lifestyle of many authoritarian or fundamentalist families.
This doesn't mean all of these things are bad or harmful in and of themselves; I hope to facilitate dialogue over each element so we can determine how much inappropriate control affected us and where we might still have trouble as we seek to be made free. So for the next few weeks I'd like to discuss each element of The BITE Model ~ Behavior Control, Information Control, Thought Control, and Emotional Control.
a. Where, how and with whom the member lives and associates with
b. What clothes, colors, hairstyles the person wears
c. What food the person eats, drinks, adopts, and rejects
d. How much sleep the person is able to have
e. Financial dependence
f. Little or no time spent on leisure, entertainment, vacations
2. Major time commitment required for indoctrination sessions and group rituals
3. Need to ask permission for major decisions
4. Need to report thoughts, feelings and activities to superiors
5. Rewards and punishments (behavior modification techniques - positive and negative).
6. Individualism discouraged; group think prevails
7. Rigid rules and regulations
8. Need for obedience and dependency
The floor is open ~ let's discuss!
Is any of this familiar? What similarities can you find between this list and your upbringing? While there must be responsible regulation in the lives of young children, at what point does a maturing young adult need to take responsibility for their own behavior? How does this list make you feel? Even if you agree with a strict childhood, remember that many quivering daughters (and sons!) live at home until marriage which could mean well into adulthood, yet many of the elements remain the same. What about when it's a Quiverfull family, and there are children of all ages under the same roof? How should behavior control be handled then?
Remember that you can post anonymously or use a pseudonym, if you're more comfortable.
These words were as foreign to me, once, as they are to her. Hands cup steaming mugs, drawing warmth ~ she, a chocolate chai, and me, a dry cappuccino with whispers of cinnamon and vanilla. It rains, outside. Gray and cold, yet here we snuggle cozy, speaking close. Heart close. She speaks in chorus with the younger me:
"But I don't know how."
Oh how I understand. There was a time I didn't know how either, or even know in the first place. But I did know I was evil, fallen short, and that with every sin, every thought, every breath, I nailed Jesus to the cross. Again and again and again. Just being was disgrace.
I sip warmth. The cafe murmurs. "What would you say to your friend, if she told you everything you said to me now?"
"I would tell her not to be so hard on herself," she replies thoughtfully, and sets mug on table. "That she can learn from her mistakes, that she's only human. God still loves her." She smiles a little. "But that's different."
I watch rain slide sideways in the wind; umbrella curls up as someone runs to the door seeking solace and coffee. "Why is it different?"
She shrugs. "It just is."
I know why it was different for me, when I had that conversation before. It's different for those of us who struggle to believe we have anything worthwhile to offer. That esteeming all others better than ourselves really means to consider myself a blight on the earth who should never have been born. Who would want such a person? Who would love such a person?
We are silent for a moment. Our soundtrack pulses against the window; chocolate and freshly ground coffee make a heady aromatherapy. Without, altogether delicious.
Within, soul-ache.
"You matter, you know." I speak softly.
All-cried-out eyes trace cup; they are empty, shadowed. She shrugs. "To whom? God loves me. That's enough, isn't it?"
"Well, yes, but." I search for words. "What does His love mean? What does it make Him, and what does it make you?"
She is quiet, although desperation seeps from still frame, the frame He remembers with mercy...
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.
As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
Just as a father has compassion on his children,
So the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him.
For He Himself knows our frame;
He is mindful that we are but dust. (Psalm 103:11-14, NASB)
I weep, reflecting on shortcomings and sin and regrets.
He reigns, remembering my frame.
What does this mean for me? He knows how I am affected, what I love, what I need, what is hurtful. He knows all the nuances of shadows and light that play in my heart and mind and spirit, the emotions, the fears, the faith. And He shows grace, redeeming.
"I just want to be good enough." Her voice breaks into my thoughts. Oh so familiar, again!
I tiptoe using words; sometimes conversation bruises tender places, and other times it heals. "Sometimes good gets in the way."
She looks up at me, blinks. Head tilts, bewildered. "What?"
The words of Christ burn in my heart:
When Jesus heard that, He said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice.’ For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.” (Matthew 9:12-14, NKJV)
"Jesus doesn't call the good people. He didn't die for the good people. Maybe you're carrying a burden you aren't meant to carry?" I say it gently, praying. The rain keeps watering the world. I taste cinnamon on my lips.
She draws breath. "Hmm. Okay..."
Grace, she is delicate, residing with the lowly, given to the humble. "Perhaps if you are gentle to yourself, and see yourself as He sees you, you will understand?" I am hopeful.
"Maybe one day," she says, unsure and tired and old, but the light comes back into her eyes.
For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not,
to bring to nothing the things that are...(1 Cor.1:26-28)
Discover grace with us on Fridays and link to discoveries of your own...
oet and playwright W. S. Gilbert (you might know him from his operettas composed with Arthur Sullivan) wrote some comic poems about the far-away land of Topsyturvydom:
Where vice is virtue—virtue, vice: Where nice is nasty—nasty, nice: Where right is wrong and wrong is right— Where white is black and black is white.
Everything in Topsyturvydom is precisely the opposite of what you expect in our world. Soldiers are cowards, criminals are judges, and babies are born knowing differential calculus and become more ignorant as they grow. It’s silly, of course, but that’s the fun of it. As Ken Medema sang, “The world looks different to you when you’re flying upside down.”
So I’ve noticed a recurring phrase in certain schools of doctrine: “Godly authority.” Husbands should have godly authority over wives. Fathers should have godly authority over children. Pastors should have godly authority over their congregations. Don’t rebel against godly authority.
It sounds good and devout, probably because “godly” is a good faith word and “authority” is something we take for granted. Somebody has to have authority, and certainly “godly authority” seems preferable to the other kind. In fact, it’s exactly what we would expect to hear.
That makes me suspicious. Most of these doctrinaires would agree with me that “godly” should only mean “following what Jesus taught.” But Jesus never taught exactly what we expect to hear. Jesus taught about flying upside down.
Jesus managed to subvert almost everyone’s expectations. They expected a Messiah who would enforce the Law of God; they got one who religious people called a wine-bibber and a friend of prostitutes. They expected a Messiah who would be a conquering hero; they got one who died on a cross with thieves. It’s not for nothing that His critics accused His followers of “turning the world upside down.” Sometimes I’m left wondering whether Jesus was a secret citizen of Topsyturvydom.
When we look at what Jesus taught about authority, what we find seems equally wrong-way-up. Look closely at some of what Jesus said and you’ll start to think you’re standing on your head:
But Jesus called [the disciples] to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:25–28, NKJV. Cf. Luke 22:24–27, Mark 10:42–45.)
When Jesus taught about authority, He said one thing clearly: It’s not about exercising authority. The great one is a servant. The greatest one is a slave.
Jesus didn’t let up with the topsy-turviness, either. He said you shouldn’t even take a title of authority:
“But you are not to be called ‘Rabbi,’ for you have only one Master and you are all brothers. And do not call anyone on earth ‘father,’ for you have one Father, and he is in heaven. Nor are you to be called ‘teacher,’ for you have one Teacher, the Christ.The greatest among you will be your servant. For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” (Matthew 23:8–12, NIV).
The formula for greatness, according to Jesus, is to thrust greatness away from you. It’s not to be looked up to but to be humble. The greatest is the least, the most exalted is the humblest, and the highest is the lowest. If you want to become great, try to be humble; if you want to be humbled, try to be great.
Is this just more nonsense and silliness, something W. S. Gilbert might have dreamed up? Contrast this to the entire doctrinal systems that fixate on authority, and who has it over whom, and whether it’s shaped like a chain or an umbrella, and you do get the distinct impression that somebody is standing on their head. Somebody’s got something very, very wrong.
Here’s another clue in another flight to Topsyturvydom. Jesus based these paradoxical statements directly on Himself and His own work: “just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve.” The apostle Paul (possibly quoting an early Christian hymn) elaborates on this in a lyrical passage:
Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus EVERY KNEE WILL BOW, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.(Philippians 2:5–11, NASB)
Jesus was God, and Jesus became a servant. Jesus humbled Himself, so the Father exalted Him. It’s upside-down, but it’s true.
It gets even loopier. When God exalted Jesus to the highest place, He made another statement about authority. It casually succeeds in blowing all our discussions about “godly authority” to smithereens:
Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.” (Matthew 28:18, NIV).
All authority belongs to Jesus.
“All authority in heaven and on earth,” just so we’re clear it’s all-inclusive. Not “all spiritual authority” or “all authority in the church” or “all authority over My disciples.” Those would be radical enough—but “all” means “all.”
This isn’t anti-authoritarianism. There’s plenty of authority for us to obey—but only Jesus has it. It does not belong to anybody else. It is not given to anybody else. It is not shared with anybody else. If anyone says they have any authority in any context and their name is not Jesus Christ, they are wrong. (And if somebody says his name is Jesus Christ, don’t believe him, unless maybe he starts walking on water.)
After this statement, any discussion about who has “godly authority” is pretty much pointless. Nobody does, except Jesus.
Far from being a passing observation, this fact is tied directly to our salvation:
“For you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him.” (John 17:2, NIV)
Since Jesus has all authority over us, Jesus has authority to save us. Since Jesus has all authority over our lives, Jesus has authority to give us eternal life.
So what then? Don’t get the wrong idea. If your association with “authority” gives you a picture of Jesus sitting at the top of the heap and bossing everyone around, then it’s back to Topsyturvydom we go. Jesus followed His own teaching about authority: authority, He said, is something that should make you act like a servant and wash people’s feet.
So when He had washed their feet, and taken His garments and reclined at the table again, He said to them, “Do you know what I have done to you? You call Me Teacher and Lord; and you are right, for so I am. If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I gave you an example that you also should do as I did to you.Truly, truly, I say to you, a slave is not greater than his master, nor is one who is sent greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them.” (John 13:12–17, NASB)
This ties everything so far together. Jesus is in authority over us, and (logically enough) we can’t set ourselves up as superior to our authority. Since Jesus humbled himself and acted like a servant, if we follow Him, we should humble ourselves and serve as well. No one sits higher than the King, and the King is washing people’s feet.
So there we are. If godliness means following Jesus, then “godly authority” is an oxymoron. Godliness is not about authority; godliness is about humility. It’s not about leading; it’s about following (namely, following Jesus). It’s not even about “servant leadership”; it’s about servantship.
But—I hear some people still perplexed with the shock of being turned heels over head—but how on earth does that fit with the way we do things in real life? Doesn’t someone have to have authority in, say, the government? In a marriage? In a church? In a workplace? In a family? Doesn’t the Bible tell us directly to submit to those authorities?
All right then, one last flight to Topsyturvydom. The Bible does tell us to submit, which is appropriate enough considering everything we just saw that Jesus said. But what’s glaringly missing are any corresponding verses that say leaders have authority.
This puts an interesting spin on verses and topics that sometimes become needlessly controversial. Consider husbands and wives (I’m thinking of course of Ephesians 5:21–33). Yes, the Bible says fairly clearly, “Wives, submit to your husbands.” But it follows this statement not with the corollary we’d expect—“Husbands, exercise godly authority over your wives”—but with “Husbands, love your wives like Jesus did for the church,” that is, by sacrificing everything so she can benefit. This makes sense when we consider that Jesus’ kind of love involves washing feet like a servant. What do servants do? They submit.
For that matter, and it is simply amazing how rarely this point gets made, the statements about husbands and wives in context both come immediately after this verse:
Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. (Ephesians 5:21).
Godly submission, yes. Godly authority, not so much.
Well, OK, there is one verse that talks about husbands having authority, but I doubt it will ever become especially popular in the Patriarchy movement. It puts it this way:
For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. (1 Corinthians 7:4, ESV).
Again, the idea is not patriarchal authority but mutual submission. (You know what, can we just go ahead and say that this verse all by itself proves once and for all that Patriarchy is an unbiblical teaching? I mean, seriously, “the husband does not have authority.” And that’s not just in the physical relationship; it’s the same Greek word for “authority” that Jesus says in Luke 22:25 we shouldn’t have at all.)
It’s the same with other positions that are considered authoritative. The Bible says that we should serve the government, but also that the government should serve us by providing peace and justice (see Romans 13:4). There’s a reason we call them “public servants.”
Again, the Bible says that we should submit to our pastors, elders, spiritual leaders (however you like to translate presbuteros), but also that they should not lord it over anybody, just serve as good examples (see 1 Peter 5:2–3). Paul explains his position as an apostle precisely this way: “Not that we lord it over your faith, but are workers with you for your joy; for in your faith you are standing firm” (2 Corinthians 1:24, NASB).
It might be tempting to misconstrue this and go running around telling our bosses that they’re not the bosses of us. It’s true, technically, they’re not, but to do that you’d have to ignore all the verses before about humility and servantship. I think we’ve gone so topsy-turvy that we’re making figure eights, so it’s probably time to catch our breaths and see the big picture from the air.
The big picture is simple, clear, and beautiful. It’s love.
We’re free. Anybody who tries to forcefully control us or require us to obey is trying to usurp a position that only belongs to Jesus. Conversely, if I want to lord it over anybody, I’m trying to set myself up as the Lord. Men and women alike, husbands and wives alike, pastors and congregation alike, we’re all brothers and sisters, free and equal.
But since we don’t have to submit and serve out of obligation, that means we’re free to submit and serve just because we want to. Just because we love. Since we’re not obliged to make payments, we can give gifts. We can freely sacrifice for others with no other motive but love. We can serve others not because they have authority over us, but because Jesus has authority over us, and Jesus serves from love.
If you want to see what “godly authority” looks like, don’t look to any person but One. Jesus is washing His followers’ feet. Jesus is giving and serving and loving. Jesus is flying upside down, making loops in the air over Topsyturvydom.
Eric M. Pazdziorastill can't fly without an airplane, but music brings him close sometimes. He works as a freelance composer, author, and worship leader, and lives in Chicago with his wife Carrie, several stories above the ground. If you want to hear some of Eric's music or read some more articles, visit his website at ericpazdziora.com.
The best thing ever written on spiritual abuse is a poem about sheep. I haven’t got many sheep in my neighborhood—the picture here is one we took in Ireland—but every word in this poem is so true it aches. 
he word of the LORD came to me: 
