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Showing posts with label isolationism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label isolationism. Show all posts

The Curse of the Standard Bearers by Norm Wakefield

This article, written by Norm Wakefield, is a very poignant, refreshing look at family dynamics which become imbalanced due to patriocentricity, and provides hope and encouragement both to parents and children who have been brought up in such an environment. It is the first within a series of 8, which can be purchased here. I hope that my fellow quivering daughters will be as blessed as I am through these words.

The Curse of the Standard Bearers: When Idolatry Masquerades as Love by Norm Wakefield

The burden in my heart has compelled me to seek the Lord in how to minister to the growing number of families who are suffering the devastating effects of what I'll call The Curse of the Standard Bearers. This is no infrequent problem. Although I know of hundreds of tragic accounts, perhaps from heaven's perspective, there are tens of thousands. There may be dozens of relationships within your own circle of friends, church, or community which are not what they appear. All seems well on the surface, but if you could see what God sees, you would see these people need your love, encouragement, and prayers. Thousands suffer in isolation and fear from the curse of the Standard Bearers.

My heart goes out to the sincere, committed parents who are suffering disappointment, discouragement, hurt, alienation, and embarrassment from their children for whom they once had great faith and hope. Ten years ago they would never have thought their family relationships would be so dysfunctional and hurtful. Additionally, the stress from fear of how to explain it to their friends haunts them. They either are helplessly silent or hardened to the guilt of gossip. The misery, fear, and burden they bear must be overwhelming.

Equally, I empathize with the children of these parents, who in their heart of hearts, long to have a deep, meaningful, loving relationship with their parents. They want to honor, love, and gain the approval of their parents perhaps as much as their parents want the best for their children. Like their parents, there's no righteous way to talk about it to observant friends without sinning (gossip). Only those who have suffered the same dynamics in relationships can completely understand the frustration, bitterness, hurt, and torment.

My prayer is that this series of articles will be used of God to bring light into the darkness and liberation for the glory of God. May God bring a spirit of revival as relationships with both God and family members are reconciled.

In this article I plan to explain what I mean by my title. Then I've picked two testimonies out of hundreds to illustrate the dynamics to which many of you can relate or observe (one which I'll share in this article and another in the next). As I go, I'll try to explain the curse that has brought about such destruction. We know Satan has his hands in this kind of tragedy, and we need to know his schemes. Otherwise it continues, and others will fall into the same trap. In the following articles, we'll see the destructive attitudes and actions more clearly. Learning how to apply the gospel to these dynamics will be emancipating. Hopefully we'll discover how both parents and children may be set free from the curse, be healed and reconciled, and glorify God. At first, this may be a little painful, but I encourage those of you who are hurting that there is hope ahead. So let's begin with some explanations.

Who has control of the keys?

Tim Russert, moderator and managing editor of Meet the Press, included a powerful story contributed by Merabeth Lurie in his book, Wisdom of our Fathers. Her seven-year old little brother, Jim, liked to watch and "help" his father as he made such things as chandeliers from old wagon wheels and unusual light fixtures from copper bulbs that float in toilet tanks. While his dad was at work, Jim would use his tools to make his own creations, but wouldn't put them back in their rightful place many times.

After telling Jim the importance of putting things back, his dad decided to build a small tool chest where he could keep his best tools so Jim couldn't get to them. As Jim's dad worked on the chest, Jim watched and helped excitedly. When the lock was being installed, Jim asked, "What's that?" To which his dad replied, "It is a lock, so that in order to get tools from the chest you have to open it with a key."

Jim got a strange look on his face, looked up at his father, and asked, "Who will have the key, Dad?"

His dad paused for a moment, considered the look on his son's face, and wisely and lovingly said, "There will be just two keys, Jim. One for you and one for me."

What are you communicating about relationship?

Jim's dad wisely chose to yield his right to control his tools and set aside his standard of order to communicate value and love to his son. The workshop might be messier, but he had the heart and respect of his son - a small price to pay for a rewarding relationship with a special person in his life. Had Jim's dad valued the standard of neatness and orderliness above showing his son respect by allowing him control of the key to the chest, he would have "cursed" his relationship with his son.

Unfortunately, not everyone has the wisdom and love that Jim's dad had for him. Many family members communicate rejection, shame, and judgment by controlling all the keys of life for those they say they love and want to bless. They think they know what's best for those for whom they are responsible (and they might), and with sincerity and good-intentions demand the right to control all the keys. Without realizing it, in the name of righteousness and love, they place upon them the curse of the Standard Bearers.

Standard Bearers?

Who are the Standard Bearers, and why such a strange descriptive title? I use the term standard because sincere, religious people usually have many standards they consider important to secure significance, praise, and reputation before God and man. Everyone has some standards they practice, but the issue in this article is the level of importance and significance people place on those standards.

I use the term bearers because that is the image they bear to others: Living by certain standards is a true sign of righteousness and spiritual maturity. Others often think of them as almost perfect or Christ-like in their talk and appearance being impressed with the way they live for Jesus. But there is a subtle, yet significant difference between someone living for Jesus and Jesus living in them. Unfortunately, the emphasis of a Standard Bearer rests on the standards rather than relationship.

Standard Bearers have an inconsistent application of God's character toward His creatures. For instance, when trying to convince a non-standard bearer of his need to change, they communicate that God is very stern. Yet when they deal with their own sin, they apply the view that God is forgiving and gracious. There's a disconnect between how they think God sees the sins of others not like them and how He sees their sin.

A True Image Bearer

In contrast, a True Image Bearer focuses on relationship with Jesus and has one aim: to be a conduit of the life and love of Jesus Christ for the glory of God and to lead others to experience the same blessing of such a powerful, love-engulfed, grace-filled relationship. Although his life is lived with standards perhaps similar to a Standard Bearer's, the root and motivation of his life is different - he recognizes his lifestyle as a gift of grace through his relationship with Jesus. The true image of Jesus wasn't a life focused on standards, but a life focused on a relationship with His Father in heaven.

Consequently, a True Image Bearer doesn't demand that others live by standards to gain approval, encouragement, and affirmation. They're more interested in the process of relationship with the Holy Spirit for others. People who live in close company with a True Image Bearer know that if they were to disappoint them or have another view, they would still be respected and valued.

True Image Bearers respect the Holy Spirit and His right to move, transform, and convince others. They apply the power of the cross-work of Jesus to those who haven't seen the light they have and consider the judgment of others a holy responsibility for Jesus alone. They don't think the Christian life is "living for Jesus", but instead it is "Jesus living in them" (Gal. 2:20). When people are around a True Image Bearer, they usually sense the love and presence of Jesus.

Often Standard Bearers think they are True Image Bearers because they have good feelings about themselves due to their commitment to standards. To them commitment to standards is the expression of their love for Jesus. However, they are not unlike the Pharisees in Jesus' day who viewed themselves as the "separated ones." In their zeal to be distinct in a complex, godless Greek culture, they established oral traditions (standards) and considered them not only equal to the written Law, but more important. Their judgment of others and lack of love, forgiveness, and grace was condemned by Jesus repeatedly. A True Image Bearer would not look down his nose at, avoid, or judge those who don't hold to his or her standards. Instead, he lives in freedom and prays for and encourages others to treasure relationship with Jesus.

The curse of the Standard Bearers

Let me introduce you to Marty, an individual whose life illustrates the curse of the Standard Bearers.

Almost overnight, Marty's life changed. His parents decided to become associated with other homeschooling families whose goal was to raise children with godly character. With the new direction for the family came more responsibilities and expectations from his parents. He already felt smothered by their efforts to make him into the type of young person who would give them a good reputation among their peers, but with the change came a tidal wave of standards and goals he felt were impossible to meet.

Marty didn't make it easy for them. In fact, he questioned them constantly as to why they had to live by all these standards of dress, social etiquette, grooming, facial expressions, entertainment, courtship, attitudes, education, and food. His honest questions brought accusations of rebellion and disrespect, which were not his intentions. Eventually, the conflict became so great that in order to protect their reputation, Marty's parents sent him to live and work with an uncle, hoping God would eventually open his eyes to see the blessing he was rejecting.

Marty's well-meaning parents were Standard Bearers. Without realizing it, self-ambition (lust for significance and success) and an idolatrous love of man's approval gained ascendancy within their hearts. The curse of the Standard Bearers rested upon them and all the relationships for which they felt responsible. Unwittingly, they looked to standard bearing as the solution to parenting Marty and to gaining significance and acceptance for the whole family. Instead of demonstrating a life lived in a relationship with Jesus Christ through the Holy Spirit and leading Marty to do the same, they were caught in the enticing trap of a form of religion. They quickly learned what standards were acceptable and not acceptable among those with whom they wished to connect and then commanded obedience from Marty.

At age fifteen and living at home, Marty knew he should obey his parents, but they never led him to deal with his heart relationship with God. Consequently, the parent-child relationship was always about responsibility and expectations. It's no wonder that Marty felt unloved, controlled, and unvalued. Living by rules and standards cannot build relationships based on God's love and grace. A form of outward obedience may occur, but liberty and love that comes from the Holy Spirit's work internally is overlooked.

Until Marty has a relationship with Jesus, his parents must teach, train, and demand honor and obedience (Eph. 6:1-4). However, once the Holy Spirit indwells him, Marty should be taught to walk by the Spirit in relationship with the heavenly Father. As Jesus told his disciples, "Do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your Father, He who is in heaven" (Matt. 23:9). As a son starts to walk by the Spirit, an earthly father should encourage his son's decision-making and guidance to come from a personal relationship with the heavenly Father, not himself. To the degree that the father makes the decisions and dictates the lifestyle of his believing son, to that degree he hinders his son's spiritual life. A father's role should decrease just as John the Baptist's role decreased when Jesus appeared (John 3:30).

Doesn’t this break your heart?

Many churches and hundreds of families have been destroyed by this curse. It doesn't have to be this way. Consider the glorious testimony to the grace and glory of the cross for a Standard Bearer to be honest and confess their idolatry and the sins of control, rejection, slander, and shame. It would glorify God, bring healing to the relationship, and teach the rest of the Standard Bearers what standard is really worth bearing: the life and image of Jesus Christ. Forgiving, loving, and forbearing with others as we trust God and encourage them to follow the Holy Spirit sets people free to find themselves through a relationship with Jesus Christ. Outward conformity to standards to achieve public praise and approval cannot please God.

First in a series

This article is the first in a series of articles dealing with the curse of the Standard Bearers and what it means to be a True Image Bearer. In the next Chariot, we'll take a deeper look into Satan's schemes and how sincere, zealous Christian fall into his trap. I invite you to pray and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal what God sees and thinks about how you relate to Him and to others when it comes to standards. Are you more concerned about His image or yours?

--Norm Wakefield

Special thanks to Anika for bringing this article to my attention.

Christian Isolationism: Be Ye Holy?

Proverbs 18:1
A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire;
He rages against all wise judgment.


Isolationism.

It is a response to the Biblical mandate to:

“ Come out from among them
And be separate, says the Lord.
Do not touch what is unclean,
And I will receive you.”

Or to be peculiar, as the KJV states in 1 Peter 2 and Titus 2.

What does this look like within a patriocentric family?

Obviously, this extreme form of separation is not practiced by all homeschooling or Quiverfull households. It is imperative, however, that we are aware and understand certain factors of this lifestyle, for untold numbers of Christian brothers and sisters promote the "righteousness" and "godliness" of this way, and many children are being raised in seclusion. It is impossible to calculate statistics due to the very nature of desolation and privacy, which is a right claimed with fervor by those who support this way of life. I grieve at the lack of godly balance and grace that wrecks havoc upon the lives--spiritually, physically, intellectually, and emotionally--of the ones who would be considered "the least of these" in such a family.

Mark 9:36 Then He took a little child and set him in the midst of them. And when He had taken him in His arms, He said to them, 37 “Whoever receives one of these little children in My name receives Me; and whoever receives Me, receives not Me but Him who sent Me.”

Matthew 10:42 And whoever gives one of these little ones only a cup of cold water in the name of a disciple, assuredly, I say to you, he shall by no means lose his reward.

Matthew 25:35 for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; 36 I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’
37 “Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? 38 When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? 39 Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ 40 And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’

Mark 9:41 For whoever gives you a cup of water to drink in My name, because you belong to Christ, assuredly, I say to you, he will by no means lose his reward. 42 “But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea. 43 If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter into life maimed, rather than having two hands, to go to hell, into the fire that shall never be quenched—

A cup of cold water

Jesus took seriously the welfare of children, to the point of telling his disciples, “It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come! It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones."

In our culture, both religious and mainstream, we have adopted a very lax approach to the concept of offense, or offending. We bristle at certain words, taking offense. Ideas or manner of dress that we find distasteful offend our sensibilities. We are quick to take offense at even some very innocuous things--I confess I have done so myself, forgetting what is important in light of eternity and the souls of those created in the image of God.

It is interesting to study what it is, truly, to offend or cause offense.

Just a few results from thesaurus.com, words that can be used interchangeably with offend:
  • sin
  • anger
  • distress
  • pain
  • hurt
  • wound
  • abuse

Definitions from dictionary.com:
  • to irritate, annoy, or anger; cause resentful displeasure in.
  • to affect (the sense, taste, etc.) disagreeably.
  • to violate or transgress (a criminal, religious, or moral law).
  • to hurt or cause pain to.
  • to cause to fall into sinful ways.
The Jesus who beckons little children to come to Him is the One who did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many. He is the One who cares about the least of these, and who exhorts us to become as they. He is the One whom healthy parents should emulate, as He, the Lord of Heaven and Earth, tenderly knelt before His disciples and washed their feet.

Common Features of an Isolationist Lifestyle

Many Christian Isolationists feel a conviction to go back-to-the-land-- Agrarianism /Biblical Agrarianism / Agrarian Separatist Philosophy --to live what they consider to be a simple life, free from the materialism, secularism, and influence of modern culture. This is also closely related to Asceticism, which is the practice of "doing without" or "going without" for religious reasons. Many ascetics believe that most pleasures, many comforts, and modern conveniences are worldly and distract from the things of God, whereas hard work and physical labor are representative of righteous living. The drudgery of farm life is revered. Keeping busy, many reason, ensures that people simply will not have the time, energy, or inclination to live "foolishly."

Pooling strength and resources, some agrarians reside in intentional communities, groups of like-minded individuals who live, worship, and work together, sometimes even school their children together. Even with this abbreviated level of relationship, the community as a whole, as an extended family, remains largely sequestered from the world except for what is necessary interaction for survival. While religious communities such as the Amish lead such rustic lives, the FLDS is one that does not, necessarily, operate in this manner, although other factors still apply.

While not all isolationist families are tucked away in rural areas, a common feature between them and their urban counterparts are the levels of disconnection and disassociation from the outside world. It is a purposeful withdrawal, and nearly always for strict, religious reasons.

At its core, while blanketed with scriptures that admonish separation from the world, Christian isolationism is about control. In these families, the parents, usually the father, strictly monitor books and other media allowed into the home, including news-feed and news-sources. Many do not allow Internet or television; it is common for such families to rely upon shortwave radio for "unbiased" reflections regarding "what really goes on in the world." In the name of godliness, for training in righteousness, practically every element in life, from the making of simple decisions to how much "free" time a child is allowed, is governed with alacrity.

Beliefs, thoughts, ideas, and other elements of psychological grooming are carefully guided to reflect popular family tenets; again, this is ensured through selective influence. Limited social interaction guarantees against unwanted persuasion. Proponents see this as godly sheltering, a responsible obligation of conscientious, biblical parenting.

Indoctrination, secrecy, and fear are some of the biggest factors that contribute to, and promote, isolationism and the isolationist mentality.

Isolationists are generally quick to draw upon their rights for privacy and freedom of choice when their way of life is called to question. "It is none of their business" is a frequent rationale. Any mistreatment--or perceived harassment--is relegated to the spiritual element of persecution or spiritual attack, a "test". Secrets and secrecy abound. Many follow conspiracy theories and speak rebellion against the government. Fear is used as a method of control and manipulation, while simultaneously many patriocentric isolationists dwell under fear themselves--fear of losing their freedom, fear of being "found", fear of Y2K, fear of losing children to the world.

An even smaller number of Christian isolationists join militia and kinist organizations (WARNING: potentially offensive link).

Although not confined to isolationism, homeschooling is a prevalent feature. Many families are Quiverfull, and several espouse Dominionism and Christian Reconstructionist philosophies.

Most of these characteristics, taken singularly or within the bounds of a healthy, humble, truly Christ-like environment, are in and of themselves, good. Whenever fear, imbalanced control, and absence of accountability are prevalent within isolated, patriocentric familial units, there is just cause for alarm.

So What is Wrong with It?


Many within remote families or communities lack balanced, healthy accountability among those in leadership or authority. This is inherently dangerous, for all of us have been tainted by the Fall; left unchecked, an imbalanced leader can exert terrible desecration upon those in his care.

Often, women raised within isolation find themselves battling issues of fear. Some lack the necessary skills to make basic decisions. Many struggle with social anxiety. Others, who choose to leave their sheltered upbringing, find themselves ill-equipped to handle practical elements of day-to-day life. While mistakes are a crucial part of learning, many women have been raised to believe that even simple blunders elicit the wrath of God, and therefore writhe in shame and self-condemnation.

But the deadliest ramification is a polluted gospel.

Although rarely stated as such, implications remain that the gospel and the Christian life are rooted through faith in a works-based religion, rather than grace-based salvation through faith in Christ. This poses serious stumbling blocks to a walk with God which can take years to overcome.

1 Peter 1:13-19
Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; 14 as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; 15 but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, 16 because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy.”
17 And if you call on the Father, who without partiality judges according to each one’s work, conduct yourselves throughout the time of your stay here in fear; 18 knowing that you were not redeemed with corruptible things, like silver or gold, from your aimless conduct received by tradition from your fathers, 19 but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot.

Peter suggests that it is the aimless conduct received by tradition from the fathers from which we are redeemed; from aimless conduct which appears holy but is relegated to "ignorance", to "former lusts", and to "unholiness"! Holy conduct, according to Peter, is to "gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ." It is not living a life marked by extreme forms of asceticism, isolation, or religious works!

At its foundation, isolationism promotes misplaced faith. This, in essence, is idolatry.

Benefits of Isolationism

Is all isolationism bad? Those who live an agrarian lifestyle generally learn wonderful skills that benefit both their own families, and the world--such as the extensive growth and maintenance of farmland, gardening, and animal husbandry. Many know how to preserve food, through canning or drying, and storing. Because a key conviction is to be independent of the world, many have a vast knowledge of survivalism which can be vital.

There is a lovely element of purity of mind within some children who grow within isolation; they exhibit freshness, a wonder that is beautiful to see, and the faith that Jesus commends so strongly. Many Christian families place emphasis on Scripture, which instills a strong biblical foundation in the lives of their offspring.

Debt-free living is common within such families. This is a tremendous blessing, enabling them to use resources with more freedom than those who struggle with financial matters.

But is isolationism scriptural?


Biblical living is a delicate issue among Christians. Ten individuals can interpret a single passage ten different ways. It is essential to seek the wisdom of God while following what He has laid on our hearts, and I believe that almost every family who sets out upon a separatist path does so with a desire to obey and glorify God.

It is possible to live a balanced life sheltered from the evils of our post-Christian society, but the conventional application of most isolationist families promotes an extremist, fear-based form of sheltering. Jesus prayed in John 17, "I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but that You should keep them from the evil one." When increasing numbers of families who strive to love and serve God continue to extrapolate themselves from the darkness which overwhelms the land, where will the light so shine?
Matthew 5:14“You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. 16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven."

Light shining within light has little effect. A beacon in the night draws the attention of all who have eyes to see.

Just as Jesus withdrew from the multitudes to find rest, solace, and communion with His Father, there are times when we need to find sanctuary and stillness, becoming recharged for the war which rages all around us. This is a critical aspect of our Christian walk. But to intentionally keep ourselves unavailable to the ones our Lord came to seek and save is like burying our talents in the sand:

Matthew 25:25 And I was afraid, and went and hid your talent in the ground. Look, there you have what is yours.’ 26 “But his lord answered and said to him, ‘You wicked and lazy servant, you knew that I reap where I have not sown, and gather where I have not scattered seed. 27 So you ought to have deposited my money with the bankers, and at my coming I would have received back my own with interest. 28 So take the talent from him, and give it to him who has ten talents.
29 ‘For to everyone who has, more will be given, and he will have abundance; but from him who does not have, even what he has will be taken away. 30 And cast the unprofitable servant into the outer darkness. There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’
"I was afraid," said the servant.

Anything based upon fear is set upon a shaky foundation, for fear is the opposite of faith, and without faith it is impossible to please God.

For those Raised in Isolation

If you have been insulated from the ravages of the world, it can seem like culture shock to finally emerge from isolation, can it not? I am working on an article addressing some of the issues that women face as they come out from isolationism and extreme conservativism.

for further reading:

Agrarianism

The Good Shepherds
A Process Driven Life
Center for Agrarian Homesteading Education
Christian Agrarianism
Christian Exodus
Biblical Agrarianism

Asceticism

Christian Asceticism: Breaking Consumerism's Hold
Asceticism
Ecological Asceticism: A Cultural Revolution

Separation

Christian Separation
Biblical Separation
The Christian and Worldliness
Engaging the Culture: Mennonites Can do it, Too (pdf)

Child Sheltering

Sheltering Children: God's Mandate to Holiness, part 1
Sheltering Children: Parental Responsibility for Influences, part 2

Dominionism and Christian Reconstructionism

Christian Reconstructionism, Dominionism, and Theonomy
Dominionism and the Rise of Christian Imperialism
Christian Reconstructionism
The Reconstructionist Movement on the New Christian Right
The Rise of Dominionism

Christian Families on the Edge by Rachel Ramer

Hillary's note: When I first began to question some of the things I was brought up to believe, and to address the confusion and hurts I struggled with daily, I found an article by the brilliant Rachel Ramer which was my first confirmation that there was validity to what I was thinking and feeling. Rachel is a passionate believer with keen insight into conservative and fundamentalist Christianity. This article was originally featured on equip.org. I hope that it blesses you as much as it did me.

Christian Families on the Edge:
Authoritarianism and Isolationism
Among Us


by Rachel D. Ramer

This article first appeared in the Christian Research Journal, volume 26, number 1 (2003). For further information or to subscribe to the Christian Research Journal go to: http://www.equip.org

SYNOPSIS

In response to antifamily trends in recent decades, there has been a resurgence within Christianity to restore family integrity and values. Christians may agree on the importance of these issues, but there are very different views of the role of family within Christianity and culture. Some Christian groups, who see culture as adversarial to Christianity, believe the role of family is to protect its members from culture. Family certainly is to be a place of security; however, the principles of authority and isolation these groups often recommend are problematic and result in the family becoming a legalistic subculture even within Christianity. These groups often promote principles of parental authority based on shame. Their application of ancient biblical laws and examples to contemporary family situations and lifestyle issues is also questionable. Authoritarianism and isolationism provide a false sense of security from the moral and spiritual evils of the world, and merely result in a subculture that fails to interact with and transform culture in a redeeming way.

In an age of deteriorating families, deadbeat dads, and disregard for traditional family boundaries and values, Christians have responded by “focusing on the family.” Many aberrant groups and cults, on the other hand, compel followers to forsake family, interrupting this natural and significant expression of God’s protection and love. There are also those who encourage forsaking nearly everything but family. In light of our sinful “secularized” times, can the value of family be overrated?

Some Christians see family as the focal point of Christianity, relying on the teachings of leaders such as R. J. Rushdoony. Considered the father of Christian Reconstructionism, Rushdoony has stated, “All the basic governmental powers in society, save one, the death penalty, have been given [by God] to the family, not to the state nor to the church.…A mark of anti-Christianity is the move to strip the family of these powers.”1 In response to this idea, voices such as Patriarch magazine promote “home education, home business, home church, home birth, family ministry, family health, family worship…courtship and betrothal, family-based welfare.”2 This view of the family may also include rejection of organized sports, church youth and singles’ groups, and neighborhood playmates.

Proponents portray this view as “balanced”3 and acknowledge that the home is under the authority of the church. In this paradigm, however, the church is a “home church” made up of like-minded families who isolate themselves from non-family-focused activities and from other Christians who do not share their particular view of family life and child-rearing values.

From within this structure, church leaders who let their wives work outside the home, use credit, limit family size, send their children to public schools, and so on, are viewed in a negative light. Concerning such leaders, Patriarch asks, “Can I remain under the authority of someone who so denies the Bible by his life? Can my family continue to maintain fellowship in a church whose leaders so disregard the clear teachings of God’s Word?”4 Patriarch further suggests that youth groups and Sunday school programs demonstrate a “failure of the church to teach the principles of parental responsibility for child training and to reinforce it in the church’s programs,” and that the use of these programs in a church “may well be a reason to leave.”5

Isolationist Jonathan Lindvall of Bold Christian Living tried to answer his critics by affirming: “Yes, I am sheltering my children! I am convinced this is what God calls me to do.”6 Most Christians would probably agree that children need a certain amount of sheltering. The concept of sheltering is not the issue, however; the extent of sheltering is the real issue. Sheltering is a legitimate concept, but isolationists’ rationale for sheltering often does not convey the idea of the extent or limitations to the practice.

DISTURBING CHARACTERISTICS

Much good can be found within this parenting movement, and proponents do express concern for protecting children from harmful leadership and disciplinary tactics. The principles and techniques advocated throughout much of their material, however, convey mixed messages and therefore should be evaluated. Not everyone on the authoritarian/isolationist side of the debate agrees fully on the issues addressed in this article, but there are, nevertheless, some disturbing characteristics of this movement.

Authority or Authoritarianism?

Excessive authority is the primary issue when addressing the harmful characteristics of some child training/ education materials. Many authoritarians mimic Bill Gothard’s “chain of authority” or “chain of command” teachings.7 God certainly ordained an authority structure within the family, but demanding unquestioning obedience from children goes beyond what He instructed. In their article “Training Roseanna’s Flesh,” Michael and Debi Pearl, for example, argue that training a child properly is not a matter of focusing on any particular training issue itself, rather, “IT IS A MATTER OF ESTABLISHING AN UNDERSTANDING OF WHO IS IN CONTROL” (emphasis in original).8 They continue, “You must look for opportunities to demonstrate that you have the last word, that your authority is to be obeyed without question.…If, during the course of a day, no contest arises naturally, you should arrange one. Seek opportunity to thwart the child’s will, to cause him to submit to your command.”9

Kelly Crespin of the Eclectic Homeschool Association gave the Pearls’ book, To Train Up a Child, a less-than-glowing review: “They compare the training of a child to the training of a dog or mouse. I feel that many children who receive this type of ‘training’ grow up to fear their parents, or any adult figure.”10
Author Reb Bradley, however, echoes the Pearls: “Keep your objective in mind — subjection of their will.…Teach your children to obey without being told ‘why.’”11 Authors William and Colleen Dedrick also concur: “When your child disregards or disobeys your command, he breaks fellowship with you and offends you as his God-ordained authority.”12 Concerning permissiveness, lack of restraint, and neglect, the Dedricks state, “Every minute you spend with your child there is a battle in one or more of these areas.”13

Authoritarianism goes beyond healthy, positive discipline and demands absolute submission. From a biblical viewpoint, human authority is to be respected; yet, when the religious rulers were wrong, Peter and John disobeyed them (Acts 4:15–21). The Jewish midwives in Egypt also disobeyed authority for ethical reasons (Exod. 1:15–21). Parents who equate their authority with godlike sovereignty create confusion for a child. At some level, parents must become, for the child, models of humility instead of models of sovereignty. Parental overidentification with God’s authority confuses the child who eventually witnesses the parents’ imperfect/sinful humanity. This absolutizing of authority fails to recognize nuances and variables in human communication and situations and ignores possible emotional control issues and sinfulness within parents.

Some parenting books teach a calm, nonangry approach to asserting authority, while characterizing abuse as out-of-control reactions on the part of parents.14 Out-of-control anger is obviously a negative manipulation, but manipulation can happen without anger, and often does. A calm approach to subjugating a child’s will and leading him or her to equate the parent’s will with godliness on all issues is simply a more insidious form of abuse.

Some authoritarians redefine child abuse as a lack of authority: “Real child abuse is allowing a child to be overtaken by the destructive forces of sin and rebellion.”15 Not so! Real child abuse is the misuse or overuse of authority. This overuse of authority can also occur with older children, for example, when parents make decisions for them in areas such as vocation, as well as some cases of courtship/betrothal. Jonathan Lindvall’s Web site has an account of how one father micromanaged the relationship between his daughter and future son-in-law. He manipulated the couple emotionally into giving up their interest in each other, in order to test them, when he fully intended for them to marry.16 This deception in the name of authority carries harmful moral implications, since ends do not justify means in this case any more than in a case of physical abuse.

In his book, Imperative People: Those Who Must Be in Control, Christian psychotherapist Les Carter points out the result of excessive control: “Listen for the words should, supposed to, got to, have to, ought to, must, can’t.…Technically speaking, nothing is wrong in stating what should be done. After all, in a world that shuns absolutes, it’s refreshing to feel like you do stand for something.” He adds, however, that “you are in essence stating, ‘I’ll accept you only after you meet my conditions.’ And since each of us responds negatively to this kind of emotional blackmail, we become angry and tense” (emphases in original).17 Children who emerge from such an environment may carry with them a distorted concept of God as an emotional blackmailer interested only in behavior. Parents who assert excessive control are prone to exasperate their children (Eph. 6:4), as their wills are consistently suppressed and their desires thwarted.

In contrast to the concept of establishing unquestioning obedience, Christian counselor Jeff Van Vonderen states:

Though most Christian parents have been trained to balk at this concept, it is our job to help [children] develop a strong no. They are going to need a strong no when they are fourteen years old and someone wants to be sexually intimate with them, or shoves a bottle of alcohol in their hand. Our job is to recognize opportunities for them to exercise their no — not to strip them of their will in the name of maintaining authority as a parent.…In that light, actively look for opportunities to give them practice saying no, those times when a no would be an appropriate answer.18

Won’t sheltering prevent 14-year-olds from being in situations where they need to say no? Not entirely. Children will also need to say no to the errant religions and philosophies presented from “authorities” they will encounter later in life. The ability to say no comes not simply from learning correct behavior and doctrine but from living in a healthy emotional environment. Moral behavior and correct doctrine are often sacrificed because of emotional neediness.

Arguing for strong parental authority, author J. Richard Fugate states, “It should be no surprise that leaderless children respond to cults, such as the Moonies and the Jones groups.…These counterculture groups all have one thing in common — they demand followership. They each provide strong leadership, teach and enforce rules, and set a purpose for the life of the follower. Dare we as parents offer less?” (emphasis in original).19 Susceptibility to cults, however, can result not only from children being “leaderless” but also from being overled. Jesus contrasted authoritarianism with humble leadership: “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant” (Matt. 20:25–26 NIV). Humble leadership that is open to questioning and focused on relationship will provide emotional protection from cults; demanding leadership will not.

Head over Heart

Authoritarians tend to view all “heart issues” as sins, such as greed, rebellion, and lust. Blanket statements such as, “The loving parent will address the heart of the child through requiring confession”20 center on Scriptures such as, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked” (Jer. 17:9 KJV). The sin aspect of the heart is not the only aspect to which the Bible refers, however. Consider the use of the term “heart” in “did not our heart burn within us?” (Luke 24:32 KJV) and “let not your heart be troubled” (John 14:1 KJV). Authoritarians mistakenly believe that emotional issues are being adequately dealt with by addressing all heart issues as sin issues. Tedd Tripp, author of Shepherding a Child’s Heart, argues that addressing the heart’s sin issues should also include concern for the emotional health of the child. He suggests approaching a child’s heart issues by asking, “Help me understand what you are feeling.”21

VanVonderen explains that in shame-based families, emotions and feelings are minimized: “Talking about feelings or needs leaves you feeling ashamed for being so ‘selfish’.…The measuring stick becomes: how things look; what people think; religious behavior.…Children must learn to act like miniature adults in order to avoid shame…fault and blame are the order of the day.”22 The Pearls, for example, warn against expressing feelings, seeing them as selfishness: “For your childrens’ own good, teach them to maintain control of their emotions. If you do not want to produce a sissy who uses adversity as a chance to get attention, then don’t program them that way.”23

VanVonderen notes that families who devalue emotions are “strong on ‘head skills’” and “weak on ‘heart skills.’”24 He is not criticizing thinking skills; rather, he is suggesting the need for balance. The perception that feelings need to be conquered, denied, and shamed creates the kind of environment that one former Jehovah’s Witness likened to the dissonance he felt within the Watchtower structure. The head knows all the “right” answers, as defined by the system, but the repressed, controlled emotions leave a person susceptible to harm and error.25

Emotions, while not always accurate, can serve as an alarm, alerting one to distorted “truths.” A former Children of God member describes his release from the guilt he had experienced as a result of seeing nearly all feelings as sinful responses of the heart: “I had to come to the place where I regarded my feelings as friends rather than foes, that they weren’t moral acts which I was judged for, but gifts of God given to help test reality.”26

For many authoritarians, devaluing emotions also impacts the courtship/betrothal issue. John W. Thompson, for example, states, “Emotional romance, God says, is to be reserved for the betrothal stage of a relationship after a binding commitment to marry has been made, preventing the broken heart syndrome.”27 This approach, however, contributes to suppressed emotions, and, while it may prevent broken hearts before marriage, it does nothing to prevent broken hearts after marriage, and it may very well cause them.

Shaming the Parents

Authoritarians not only promote shaming children, but their teachings also have a shaming tone toward parents. If a parent does not teach a child to obey the first time a command is given, the child may be hit by a car or be bitten by a poisonous spider. This fear tactic insults both parent and child, who understand the difference of importance and tone between “Time for bed” and “STOP!” (The Pearls advocate no change in voice tones or emotion for different commands.) Now, the point is well taken that parents often give too many warnings, but this authoritarian approach becomes manipulation of another sort, where every command is a crisis by definition.

The Pearls also tell parents, “Fail to use the rod on [a disobedient, bullying child] and you are creating a ‘Nazi.’”28 Fear of producing a Nazi may compel parents to use a “rod” even when their intuition tells them there is a better option in a particular situation. The Dedricks shame parents with, “It is disgraceful to hear a grown man putting on his ‘I’m afraid you’re not going to like me’ voice when negotiating with a two-year-old.”29 They also state, “The parent who neglects or refuses to discipline his child [according to their idea of discipline] is himself undisciplined and disobedient to God.”30

CULTURE CONFUSION

Authoritarianism and isolationism are often married. Christian isolationism endorses a “godly” subculture, encouraging separation even from other Christians who do not conform to the ideals of that subculture. Isolationist Steve Schlissel states, “The naiveté of modern Christians concerning the religious character of the so-called Culture War is astonishing. Culture, Henry Van Til taught us, is simply religion externalized and made explicit.…We have been raised to believe that culture is religiously neutral rather than religiously determined.”31 Religion certainly does influence culture, but this all-or-nothing view sees nearly every expression of culture as a religious statement, either heathen or nonheathen.

There are, however, other approaches to understanding how Christians relate, or don’t relate, to the culture in which they find themselves. Professor and author Michael Horton draws from H. Richard Niebuhr’s Christ and Culture to explain five different approaches: First, Christ against culture holds that “the world is evil, but the realm of the Spirit is good; earthly things are inherently sinful, while heavenly things are inherently virtuous.”32

Second, Christ of culture views Christianity as an extension of culture. Niebuhr states, “The movement that identifies obedience to Jesus Christ with the practices of prohibition, and with the maintenance of early American social organization, is a type of cultural Christianity… Christ is identified with what men conceive to be their finest ideals, their noblest institutions, and their best philosophy.”33

Third, Christ above culture “suggests neither antagonism nor assimilation.”34 This is an attempt at neutrality toward culture and is directly opposite Schlissel’s view.

Fourth, Christ and culture in paradox sees the kingdom of God and the kingdom of humankind as “different spheres with different purposes.…Culture can never be an avenue of finding God.…But neither can culture be an object of disgust, since culture never promises to save or redeem.”35 In this view, while not all pleasurable aspects of life are spiritual in the salvific or godly sense, God is still present in them.

Fifth, Christ the transformer of culture is distinct from the Christ against culture and the Christ of culture views by holding that, “The problem is not the world, but the willful opposition of the world to God and His Christ. This frees the believer to participate in the world as a full-fledged citizen and to view it not as inherently wicked [or as an expression of false religions], but as a theater in which both God’s glory and human sin are displayed.”36

Isolationists embrace the Christ against culture and also the Christ of culture views, and create their own culture, often based on ancient cultural practices found in the Bible. Horton explains that “there is great danger in mixing a ‘Christ against culture’ and a ‘Christ of culture’ paradigm…this mixture leads us to simply replace one culture with another and confuse the latter with God’s will and kingdom.”37 Christ against culture and Christ of culture are two sides of the same coin. A true transformer of culture does not seek to create a separate culture; rather, he seeks to transform the existing culture.

Biblical Support for Isolation?

A look at Old Testament theocracy shows how covenants between a ruler and his people found in ancient Near Eastern culture were used as a pattern for God’s covenant with Israel. Theologians Gordon Fee and Douglas Stuart state, “God constructed the Old Testament law on the analogy of these ancient covenants.”38 Even the God-given Mosaic laws were not entirely divorced from the culture in which they were given.

Horton argues that, “Scripture admonishes us, [with Christ’s words ‘my kingdom is from another place’] to avoid either the tendency to confuse the kingdom of God with an earthly nation (Israel, America, etc.) or, on the other hand, to view citizenship in one kingdom as completely antithetical to citizenship and participation in the other.”39

There certainly are cultures that adopt God’s laws more closely than others, such as those that abolish slavery or ban the exploitation of children; nevertheless, like the once-godly Pharisee sect, there are dangers from within once we’ve “arrived.” Jesus neither endorsed, nor participated in, a separatist lifestyle (such as that of His contemporaries, the Essenes); rather, He took positive illustrations from, and participated in, His culture. His prayer to the Father for believers was “not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one” (John 17:15 NIV).

Fee and Stuart argue that “there is no such thing as a divinely ordained culture; cultures are in fact different, not only from the first to the twentieth century, but in every conceivable way in the twentieth century itself.”40 They caution against applying a biblical passage to a present-day situation when particulars in the passage are not comparable to the present-day situation. Even if a biblical principle is evident, they counsel, “the ‘principle’ does not now become timeless to be applied at random on whim to any and every kind of situation. We would argue that it must be applied to genuinely comparable situations” (emphasis in original). 41

Isolationists’ belief that God has a particular culture in mind for His people influences how they interpret the Bible. Schlissel, for example, addresses the cultural craze over body piercing. He uses Leviticus 19:28 — “Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you” (KJV) — to conclude that (male) body piercing is scripturally wrong. To apply this verse to today, however, would also mean we should not wear clothes made of two fabrics, since the same passage also instructs, “Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material” (19:19 NIV).

Schissel also points to ancient practices of piercing slaves for subordination purposes (Exod. 21:6; Deut. 15:17) to argue that body piercing should not be practiced today. Mosaic laws concerning the treatment of slaves, however, fail as bases for transcultural principles about body piercing. Fee and Stuart address the pierced-slave passage (Deut. 15:12–17), calling it a casuistic law. “Such casuistic or case-by-case laws,” they say, “constitute a large portion of the more than six hundred commandments found in the Old Testament pentateuchal law.…Because such laws apply specifically to Israel’s civil, religious, and ethical life, they are by their very nature limited in their applicability and therefore unlikely to apply to the Christian.” Today, bondage is not in the piercing of a body part but in making such cultural issues absolutes. Paul warned regarding such bondage to the Mosaic Law, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery” (Gal. 5:1 NIV).

Isolationists also draw universal principles from biblical narratives. One area in which they do this is courtship/betrothal. From biblical accounts of betrothal Thompson concludes, “Biblical courtship isn’t simply an option, it’s an obligation.…God established the courtship approach to marriage as trans-cultural, and thus normative for all people in all cultures and in all times.”

Fee and Stuart, however, also sound a warning against drawing universal moral principles from each biblical narrative: “The fallacy of this approach is that it ignores the fact that the [biblical] narratives were written to show the progress of God’s history of redemption, not to illustrate principles. They are historical narratives, not illustrative narratives.”Confusion concerning what is or is not universal can result in creating a subculture based on ancient culture. The goal should rather be a transformed community acting as salt and light within the larger culture, based on the culturally transcendent principles of the Word of God (Rom. 12:2; cf. Matt. 5:13–16).

Finally, we might ask what was Jesus’ view concerning the role of the family. Consider His radical “anti-family” statements, such as: “I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother.…Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me” (Matt. 10:35, 37 NIV). Jesus also said, “Whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother” (Matt. 12:50 NIV). Now, we understand that Jesus was using hyperbole to make His point and not discounting the value of family, but we can gather from these statements that He did not view the biological family as the center of Christianity, but rather Himself and His kingdom.

What about Homeschoolers?

Is homeschooling a form of isolationism? It is true that considerable questionable material is directed to homeschoolers, and isolationists often homeschool; yet, this does not make all homeschoolers isolationists. It would be inaccurate to view all homeschoolers, or even all Christian homeschoolers, as being on the same side of this issue. A growing segment of home educators question isolationist tendencies. Probably the most prominent evangelical homeschool curriculum company that rejects isolationism is Sonlight Curriculum Ltd. Sonlight’s general manager Wayne Griess states that their philosophy is “to educate, not indoctrinate. We wish to grow learners aware of the world around them.” Sonlight owner John Holzmann plainly states that parents may not want to purchase Sonlight materials if “they want to shield their children as much as possible from contact with the world and the world system.” Home education is a viable philosophy in its own right and is not necessarily an expression of isolationism.

CONCERN FOR EVANGELISM

The issues of authoritarianism and isolationism carry grave implications concerning evangelism. First, to what do they convert people? The yoke of Christ is easy and His burden is light (Matt. 11:28–30). Authoritarianism and isolationism create an environment that is heavy and burdensome.

Second, isolationism is not the agent for evangelism it may claim to be but is busy converting people from one culture to another. Lacking interaction with current culture, isolationism creates a closed system, where, as author John Fischer points out, “a separatist Christian monologue has replaced meaningful dialogue with the world around us.”

In contrast, viewing culture as a theater where God’s glory interacts with humanity, both sinful and needy, and where Jesus stepped into a broken world to eat, drink, and abide with us, is biblical (Luke 7:34; John 1:14). Fischer sums up an alternative to isolationism: “I would suggest that we as Christians need to learn to embrace the danger of living in a dangerous world and trust not a safe subculture to protect us, but a praying Savior.”

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NOTES

1. R. J. Rushdoony, Founders Foreword: Family and Government (paper presented at the California Home Educators Association meeting, Anaheim, CA, 1997), 1.

2. Is It Right to Be Family-Centered? Patriarch, 25 July 2001, http://www.patriarch.com/article.php? sid=19.

3. Ibid.

4. When Is It OK to Leave a Church? Patriarch, 30 July 2001, http://www.patriarch.com/article.php? sid=59.

5. Ibid.

6. Jonathan Lindvall, Sheltered Homeschoolers and Evangelism, Home School Digest 9, 3 (1998): 29.

7. Don Veinot, Joy Veinot, and Ron Henzel, A Matter of Basic Principles (Springfield, MO: 21st Century Press, 2002), 208.

8. Michael Pearl and Debi Pearl, Training Roseannas Flesh, No Greater Joy 4, 1: 1.

9. Ibid., 1, 2.

10. Kelly Crespin, review of To Train Up a Child, by Michael Pearl and Debi Pearl, Eclectic Homeschool Online, 2001, http://www.eho.org/reviews/individ ualprint.asp?revid=160.

11. Reb Bradley, Child Training Tips (Fair Oaks, CA: Family Ministries, 1995), 44.

12. William Dedrick and Colleen Dedrick, The Little Book of Christian Character and Manners, 1st ed. (Elkton, MD: Holly Hall, 1992), 54.

13. William Dedrick and Colleen Dedrick, The Little Book of Christian Character and Manners, 2d ed. (Port Angeles, WA: Christian Tutorial Books, 1993), 5.

14. Michael Pearl and Debi Pearl, To Train Up a Child (Pleasantville, TN: Pearl, 1994), 23. See also Bradley, 70.

15. Dedrick, 1st ed., 54.

16. Jonathan Lindvall, A True Romantic Betrothal Example, Bold Christian Living, 1997, http://www.boldchristianliving.com/articles/romance3.php.

17. Les Carter, Imperative People: Those Who Must Be in Control (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1991), 2628.

18. Jeff VanVonderen, Families Where Grace Is in Place (Minneapolis: Bethany House, 1992), 117.

19. J. Richard Fugate, What the Bible Says about Child Training (Tempe, AZ: Family Building Seminars, 1996), 50.

20. Ronald Kirk, Facing Sin in Education, Chalcedon Report, August 2002, 7.

21. Tedd Tripp, Foundational Concepts, the Centrality of the Heart in Parenting, Shepherding a Childs Heart: Video Series, Shepherd Press, n.d., videocassette 1.

22. VanVonderen, 13840.

23. Pearl, To Train, 85.

24. VanVonderen, 140.

25. Gary Busselman, Personality Disorders Caused from Physical and Emotional Abuse, www.freeminds.org/buss/disorder.htm.

26. Name withheld, e-mail to author, 13 September 2002.

27. John W. Thompson, Gods Design for Scriptural Romance, Part VII, Patriarch, 31 July 2001, http://www.patriarch.com/article.php?sid=90.

28. Pearl, To Train, 45.

29. Dedrick, 1st ed., 59.

30. Ibid., 20.

31. Steve M. Schlissel, Laws and Order (Part II), 1 November 2000, http://www.messiahnyc.org/ ArticlesDetail.asp?id=254.

32. Michael S. Horton, Where in the World Is the Church? (Phillipsburg, NJ: Presbyterian and Reformed Publishing, 2002), 43.

33. Ibid., 44.

34. Ibid., 45.

35. Ibid., 46.

36. Ibid., 48.

37. Ibid., 51.

38. Gordon D. Fee and Douglas Stuart, How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1981), 151.

39. Horton, 40.

40. Fee and Stuart, 71.

41. Ibid., 68.