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How is Your Father's Day?

You won't want to miss Resolved2Worship's excellent post on parenting. I am currently reading and reviewing Rachel Held Evan's new book, Evolving in Monkey Town, and hope to post it sometime this week. If you've read it or want to read it, please stay tuned and join the discussion! In the archives here at the Quivering Daughters blog, Dear Anonymous continues to be a hot topic; I will reply as I can but if you like, please feel free to add your own thoughts to the comment thread.

I receive many interesting questions and feedback through (or because of, perhaps) this blog. I hope and pray that God gives me wisdom in how I write things so that I can convey truth and "what I really mean" because these subjects are serious and while there are always times that clarification is necessary, I endeavor to communicate in ways that limit when I have to say "What I meant was..." This includes current hot issues such as grace and forgiveness for past hurts and for those who we feel contributed to them, or the fact that most of our parents really do live how God has convicted them and this isn't about airing dirty laundry  ~ and many other things. I sometimes feel at a loss of how much more clear I can be...and I am open to suggestions! *smile*

Someone asked me recently, point blank, if I still loved my parents. As in currently, now, today. Honestly? I love them more than I ever have.

Perhaps this seems incongruous with writing about the hurtful effects of spiritual and emotional abuse in the family structure. Although there have been many repercussions (fruits) spiritually, emotionally, and in other ways that I've encountered and had to work my way through, hand in hand with the Lord, it is because of this that I can sit here today in obedience to His calling. Additionally, it is understood that not every family will practice the same things in the same manner. (For example, when I was growing up, Vision Forum didn't even exist ~ although I have many readers who now experience the teachings and beliefs that are promoted by them. And for another example, in their wisdom, my parents did not get into Gothard like many of our homeschooling friends did. And yet I have many readers who were part of ATI. And the fruits of those teachings ~ some of the effects on the daughters of patriarchy ~ are some of what I address in this blog. ) Does this mean that any of our families were all wrong? No, and I don't know how else to state that I'm not saying they are. I hope and pray that where I lack in my communication the Lord will help me. 

In the next few weeks I hope to post What My Family Did Right.
So how is your Father's Day? 


  1. My Dad rocks! Both of my parents do. They'll be celebrating 50 years of marriage - happy, loving, and Christ-centered - on Tuesday. I'm proud of them both and very blessed to call them Mom and Dad.

  2. And I want to add...Even though I came up in what might be an ideal environment, my parents are people. Not every decision they made was the right one, and not everything they did was perfect. I'm sure there are a number of things they might look at and wish they'd done somewhat different, both as parents and as a married couple, but, I never lacked for love, and I was always reminded, by them, just how much God loved me. For that I'm immeasurably grateful.

  3. I have walked in the shoes of being misunderstood all too often as I have just hardly written and attempted to share what we have experienced through the different movements and the patriarchy gone dysfunctional movement. As people question, accuse and misunderstand it is easy to feel the need to defend (and reasonably understandably so) or reexplain or clarify time and time again -- and as my husband for several years feel into as people would question him about his family, still find a need to defend the evil - because people just wouldn't believe there could be any. It's hard when things look good on the surface in movements - and when people involved in the movement defend their positions and their beliefs, they have to attack what you written.

    I know the Lord will guide you and lead you as you seek Him. Don't feel a need or think you must be understood. Only God can change people, or open eyes. I believe you have been very clear what you are NOT SAYING and WHAT YOU ARE SAYING. You could spend the rest of your life trying to re-explain yourself and people still never understand because there are mental roadblocks that must be removed and you can't do that for them.

    keep keeping on. Let the Lord defend you, and He will. :) Where God is at work, it will be evident - and eyes and ears will be opened.

    a. ann

  4. I was blessed to be brought up in a wonderful, loving family — conservative, homeschooling, borderline Quiverfull, somewhat patriarchal, but nonetheless wonderful and loving, seeking moderation in everything and placing love for God and others above any other command.

    I have the utmost respect for my fiancée's parents. I have made it clear to every person whose advice I've sought for our situation that I don't believe their motives are any less than pure, or their intentions are anything other than to raise a godly family the way God exhorts them to in the Bible. But the differences in their application of Scripture to life — so similar in many ways to my family's, and yet somehow so destructive to their children's emotional and spiritual lives — leaves us facing extremely difficult choices about who to honor ... and how.

    Yet I do honor them in my heart, and I respect them immensely, and even though the choices we make may seem treasonous or spiteful or mocking, if there were any reasonable way to obtain their blessing, I WOULD; if there were any way to gain their approval in this situation, I WOULD ... and we will be spending the next large part of our lives pouring ourselves out before God and before them, seeking reconciliation and restoration of relationships that were shattered long before this situation ever began.

  5. Actually, I think you are very eloquent in explaining "what I mean..."!! I think your posts and topics are issues that some may not understanding if they've not experienced it. While for others, the issues you address may be the very ones ingrained in some readers ideology and the posts may challenge, stretch, or just plain irriate them. Either way, I've only found grace, love and Truth in them. Not your truth but scriptural Truth. It's very refreshing to read it and has been VERY enlightening for me in things I've encountered in the past. If you can just save one person from the bondage, it's worth all the ridicule for the one. So I hope you continue to put it out there and even the "what I mean..."'s have been chalked full of God's Truth. It's made me all the more ready to hear more. Thanks for faithful with the calling God has placed on you.

  6. I have just recently began to live life with eyes wide open. Not simply living, following the "biblical" teachings I had always been taught, but rather clinging to Jesus Christ in the face of great separation from my parents. Because I have had to challenge their unbiblical choices that have greatly affected their parenting, and in turn have negatively impacted my life, Here in Washington, Father's day was such a struggle. Last year it was merely a strain in the relationship, this year I have proof today, as with everyday, that I can do nothing right in his eyes, because I am listening to what God is speaking to my heart, versus listening only to him. I love my Daddy with all my heart, and praise God for all the things He has done through him. No longer following or respecting his choices does not mean not loving the man that shares half of my dna. He's my daddy, so of course I love him. No matter what.

  7. I'm looking forward to your upcoming posts. I had a great childhood in many ways, but I still struggle with resentment about the mentality in my teen years. I am so so happy that my parents have changed alot, and that my younger siblings don't have to live with what I had too, but I envy them in a way, and I want to get to the place where I can love my parents for who they were, and be ok with the second half of my childhood that was lost.

  8. My dad was the noisier parent about his legalism and dysfunction. Because of him, at age 11, I wished my parents would divorce so I could not have to live with him anymore. By my teens we were simply not speaking anymore. When my mother died, in my mid20s, I angrily castigated God for taking the "wrong" parent. Even as recently as 7-8 yrs ago, I got along with him only as my children's only grandparent rather than have a relationship in our own right.

    But today, due to a LOT of growth and grace on both sides, we have a great relationship. In fact, he is the ONLY person IRL with whom I can have respectful and meaningful discussions of spirituality. I would never EVER have thought that was possible--but miracles do happen.

  9. Absolutely, I still love my parents!! And yes, they did a lot of things right. Disagreements do not mean there is no love. Setting boundaries does not mean there is no love.


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